No One

Sometimes it feels like nobody cares. Like nobody notices that I can't fight the pain anymore. It's hard to keep it away from people so I don't hurt anyone. I've taken it upon myself to hurt myself in physical ways. Like hitting things to get the pain and rage out. Sometimes I just don't know what to do and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I fight the loneliness everyday. I keep fight to no lose the battle. Sometimes I just want to know if there is really anybody out there that cares. The rage that boils under my skin scares me sometimes. I'm ashamed of it, and I am ashamed to admit I have a problem because I don't feel that I am worthy enough to tell someone what is wrong.
Hotmomma26 Hotmomma26
26-30, F
9 Responses Feb 12, 2013

This is one place where people care. What you need more than an Internet connection with everyone. We're here and we want to help but there's just so much I can a distance. Maybe it's time to talk to someone professionally?

I know your tired. Your tired of pretending that your ok. That everything is fine. Your going through the motions right now. You do what you have to and avoid anything extra, as you've lost complete interest in the things you used to enjoy. Your probably sitting in your house right now, you feel the walls closing in and its hard to breath sometimes. All you can think about is how unhappy you are and how you just feel stuck. You feel like no one will EVER understand and your tears are shed in private. The people that mean the most to you just don't get it. Your tired of trying to reach out and no get the support you need. LISTEN TO ME- I KNOW exactly what it feels like to be tired, feel exhausted from all of the thoughts that overwhelm your mind. You have to STOP. You need to find someone who understands, who you can talk to in detail about whats really going on in your life. I cannot help you if I do not know what has caused you to fall into this darkness.....I am HERE for you, please turn to me if you need. It is not over for you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel......I can help you find it if you LET me..........

Sometimes I don't know what my thoughts are they get so jumbled up in my head I can't sort them out. Then I start feeling lost and confused and then I start going on circles. The more circles I go in the worse I start feeling. Sometimes it's just hard to move or feel anything besides the hurt

Im so sorry to hear you feel that way. YOU are important. your just as imprtant as anyone else. I self harm and i know it seems like its the only release you have, you will begin to find other ways. If not now, you will eventually. I care. Loads of people care about you because everyone is amazing in their own way. I kept hidden for years, letting know one inside (still do but its managed) and it tore me apart. It makes me so upset to know that other people are feeling like this. take care of your self, your very special.

<p>I know that when u hurt yourself and then see and feel the pain, it gives us a sense of empowerment. Like we are in control and nobody can stop us from doing it. I do not hit things or break things, I am a cutter. I have many scars all over my forearms from doing this. Wearing long sleeves in the summer time because I don't want anyone to see because its MY secret, its MY power, MY control and I don't want anyone to try to take it away from me. U sit in silence, but the screams are so loud in your head. Your mind is goin around in circles, walking thru your life and all of the things you've done wrong and all of the things u wish u could change. U feel embarrassed about the decisions you've made and ashamed of the things you've done. Your stomach cringes when people even mention such experiences you've encountered. You want so badly to just go away. You feel so consumed with guilt and remorse you wish you could crawl into a hole and never come out. The emotions are so overwhelming that you just have to find a release, so you do things to hurt yourself to get that feeling of power and control back just for a moment, and when you can see and feel the results from your destructive behavior, you feel that sense of being ok, just for that few minutes. And then the cycle begins all over again.........Am I describing your feelings right? Is this what its like for you too?????</p>

That is so amazing to read. I simply have no words for it, except that i can relate so much. That message is so powerful and im sure loads of people can understand them feelings!

Yeah but lately not wen hitting things is releasing enough. I just feel so tired anymore

Its interesting that you can relate to these feelings. Sometimes I feel like Im alone and nobody understands the thoughts that consume me. It is just impossible to turn my mind off. But yet, the world around me keeps on going, and I feel like Im just standing still, like Im still in that house, and the abuse just keeps happening , over and over. I scream for help, but nobody comes. Feeling so alone..........

Hi again, I wrote the sweetie note. I forgot to tell you that if you do need a friend that understands please write anytime at.... noirburakal @nyahoo. com. I care and I want you to know there are people that care for you... Even if you can't speak out in your community.

Sweetie, I know your words and thoughts for they are what I experience too. You did not get this way on your own. People have hurt you. Most people do not take the time to care... Even people that you think are friends. So... The best thing I've done to help me is; research online about depression and new therapy's, call social services and think about speaking with someone, consider medication, read different types of self help books, find a spirituality that you like, take a way walk everyday, take deep breaths and tell yourself it's going to be ok...even if you don't think it is, volunteer at a shelter for animals- the more you give love, the more you get in return, listen to calming music, like ocean waves, meditate on love. And always know you are not alone, there are people just like you struggling, such as myself. And also know that I will hold you in prayers and send you thoughts of love. A big hug to you. I'm glad you reached out, thank you for your honesty cos your seeking answers but you can also be saving someone else's life by your story. :•)

Have you spoken to your doctor about all of this? When I was depressed that was the best thing I ever did. I was put on anti-depressants and referred to a psychologist later on at my request. Medication takes a few weeks to kick in, but believe me when I say that it helps - so much.

You are right about people living in a world where they are too busy to see what's going on around them - people don't often look past the polite 'hello' exchange we have in public. And we ourselves can tend to alienate our friends when we are stressed because it can feel like they won't understand, that they will judge you or tell you to 'wake up to yourself'. This is why I also urge you to speak to a counsellor or psychologist - they are there to focus on and help you. They will also allay your fears of not being worthy enough to talk about what is going on.

You are worthy. You don't deserve to feel this way. You can feel differently and there are people who - I promise you - will help, if you'll just ask.

Yes I've discussed it with my doctor and I am currently in medication. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't

Then I have some questions for you: Do you take it as prescribed or do you tend to miss a dose here and there? Have you had it reviewed and adjusted by your doctor? What were you prescribed at what dosage level and how long have you been on it? Lastly, have you been referred to a counsellor or psychologist?

It is Zoloft 50 mg and I see the dr every month. He just switched me from a different one. I take it everyday like I'm supposed to and I haven't been to a psychologist since I was in high school

50mg is a very low dose for Zoloft. I was on triple that. I don't know if he appraised you of the potential side effects? Especially suicidal thoughts. Have you considered going to talk to someone?

1 More Response

I realize that in this world today, everyone is so consumed w their own lives and forget about the people that mean the most to them. I know that its hard to believe that people care when their actions show otherwise. But just remember that life wasn't meant to be easy, if it were, there would be no heaven or hell. this is a test, this world is only temporary. Chin up, it can get better. I know this is all easier said than done, as I am battling my own black holes, maybe we all are. I am here, and I understand more than you know. Hurting urself only leads to a lot of blood, hospitals and stitches. its not fun.

I hit things to cause me pain to make sure I'm alive and to help ease some of the rage that builds inside.

Hurting yourself is NOT going to make anything better. I know from experience. Its ok to feel depressed, as long as it does not consume you. You have to be strong, you ARE worthy of getting help. you need to start by believing in yourself. I know that right now, in this moment, you feel lost, afraid, confused. But you need to take all of that negative energy and put it into lifting yourself, your spirit. You cannot be ashamed of you, of who you are. You are a stronger person because you are going thtough this and you are still fighting, holding on. I know its hard, Im here if you need to vent or someone to help lift you up. Be strong. You are a wonderful deserving person- don't destroy that beauty. :)

Thank you. Sometimes it's just hard to believe that somebody cares