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I Battle Depression

I Wondered What It Would Be Like To Cut Myself...

By: GarryBarry
Written on February 13th, 2013
...last night as I was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

I felt numb, I had been feeling numb all evening. Ever since I got in from work and heaven alone knows why.

I didn't cut myself, I was too lazy even to get out of bed and do it. Plus, I didn't really know how to. But that's hardly the point.

Cutting felt like an attractive proposition.

Not to try and die, not to try and gain attention, almost to force myself to feel something.

I'd been making progress with getting through depression...

Then last night happened and I've gone back past square 1. Not at the bottom of the ladder, but half buried in the ground below.

Where do I go from here?
By: GarryBarry
Age: 31-35 , Male
142 people have read this story

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7 responses
  • SpecialAgentScully
    SpecialAgentScully

    I used to, in a ceratin period of my life. You feel, an illusion. You don't feel better. You feel miserable. And it leaves scars.

    Apr 30
    1 like
  • meltingheart
    meltingheart

    i've been cutting since highschool (i'm working now) haven't died yet. tempted to dig it in but i just can't. cutting has became a form of meditation when all else fails

    Apr 23
    1 like
  • uggh
    uggh

    Hello there,
    I do feel depressed at times when I am stressed for a long time, or maybe wanting something that I did not get...For me, I will question myself: is there anything I can change/do about it? Can I remove the stressors? Can I make myself happier?
    If there is nothing I can do, I would then just hold on to God. I dont mean to preach you but this is what I do. During the hard times I have to believe there is still happiness ahead, so I should not give up.
    I dont know if you feel that you can relate to that, but message me if you just wanna have a chat.
    I have thought of cutting myself but then I think again, who says death will be better than life? What if it is even worse than life?

    Apr 18
    2 likes
  • elmoomoo
    elmoomoo

    I felt simular to this a couple days ago. Felt nothing, numb for such a long time. I got drunk which cheered me up, then when I sobred up I just wanted to hurt myself to feel something, something extreme to take me away from my depression. Thankfully I didn't do anything and have felt a little better since then, not much but I haven't thought any more about hurting myself. Just keep going, just think if you do cut yourself you will have scars there for the rest of your life which will be a contant reminder of that awful feeling and moment.
    Good luck.

    Feb 14
    1 like
  • drakneko
    drakneko

    Thats always how it starts. Then you can't stop. Just try avoid it or you may regret it in the future.

    Feb 14
    1 like
  • neilstokes
    neilstokes

    be strong fella put all knive thoughts out of your mind and try and focas whats positive in your life at the moment. YOU CAN DO THIS I KNOW YOU CAN

    Feb 13
    1 like
  • Alissa77
    Alissa77

    I am really sorry you feel so bad. I wish I could say something to make it better, but I can't.
    I am glad though, that you didn't cut yourself.
    It's not unusual to experience relapses, even to feel like it's getting even worse, but hopefully this will pass and you'll keep making progress. I really hope so.

    I don't know what else to say, but I'm here if you ever need someone to listen.

    Feb 13
    2 likes