Are We Living, Or Are We Exhisting?

SoHi, I promise, you have done the same thing any sane person would by looking for an escape from the pain (alcohol & drugs), perfectly normal, there are plenty of people who will happily judge us for our actions, please leave that job to them. =] Though for the sake of clarification, I will reiterate what you've shown to already know, drugs & alcohol is an extremely destructive way to go & ultimately creates more problems & never actually solves the original one.!! I say from my own exprience.

Falling in love has a kind of symmetry with depression; I fell head over heels in love with an amazing girl, & the world just disappeared, she was leaving uni, I was on my way there too, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, I could not even imagine it a different way, couldn't remeber how I felt before her, that feeling I had with her was never going to leave... but I left her after 2 years. =]

Depression does the same thing, it makes you feel like nothing will ever change, that world that was once amazing, is just gone, I'm guessing you probably can't even imagine what it felt like to be happy anymore, how you felt before you were depressed. Just remember, things do change, it is in the nature of everything to change, everything in existence ACTIVELY wants to change.

& if you use that big brain in your head, things will change for you. =] There are people who care, people who don't even know you yet, who genuinly care about you living the best & happiest life you can (I didn't believe it till I met them! They really do care!), & they will do everything they can to help you, but they can't help till you put yourself infront of them, give em a smile & tell them how you're feeling. :) Google will find you appropriate phone numbers for annoynmous chats, & your doctor has taken an oath to help you, so he will definitely help :) I hope you can find some hope in my words, & I hope you will ask for help, no one ever has to go through these hard times alone, no one! :) & feel free to drop me a message if you want to rant at someone.

i understand how you feel. the heart crushing pain of lucidity, the uncontrollable need to self destruct, the sadness so deep, no hope seems to exist. the need to mask all this to try and fit in.
escaping the pain is no answer tho. i've done so many drugs its easier to ask which i haven't done. all it ever did is send me spiralling deeper and deeper into oblivion.
numbing the pain doesn't help, face your sadness and fears. pretending everything is ok is pushing people away, because who you really are is behind that mask. use your true face and that will reveal the people who really care. those who remain indifferent are not worth the time you give them.
this is not a recepie to feel better or get rid of the pain but will show you the REAL people around you who are willing to share your burden and make it a bit more bearable.
the only real ay to get better is to seek help.
remember some people do care keep Them around.
if ever i can lend a listening ear dont be shy

I'm in the same place. I don't do drugs, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea. Maybe they could make me happy for a while. Maybe they would just make me sadder. I wish I could give you a hug to make you feel better.

Hi ICantThinkOfUserName I've been to that lonely dead end place you're at and hopefully you have gotten some help before this message reach you; and yes I know nobody will take you seriously because you're always positive (happy) on the outside you can help others but you're drowning slowly and no one believes you they laugh and say your crazy. It's almost like you can't tell nobody the truth because they can't handle the truth of how you truly feel. It's like a silent frustration you can't stop doing you want to feel at ease with yourself but the pain is so deep!! And this pain is from you holding on to something God want you to let go only you can ask Jesus to come in your heart and take the pain away. That why you have frustration that has on lips and tears that want cry. You know sometimes God puts us in desperate situation, because He desperately wants to love us. That's why your friends don't understand you only one person understand suffering and pain that's Jesus our feeling are unreliable and cannot be trusted to convey truth are do you want what feels good at the moment; not what will produce good results later on. It's so easy to blame outside circumstances for inside situation . So you just keep walking and I tell you while you walk (faith)