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I Battle Depression

I'M Losing Hope...

By: rosurin
Written on February 18th, 2013
I have finally accepted the fact that I have depression . lately, I've felt suicidal and just feel like giving up.
I'm known as the "sickly child". all I've been is sick, or suffer the effects of my allergies. I've already survived two extremely rare and deadly diseases, I'm deaf through my one ear... and I now have depression?
I feel like a complete and utter burden to my parents and everyone around me.
I'm trying to hold on but I feel worse everyday.
I feel like I'm broken and can't be fixed, what use is there for something that is broken?

I've even written a suicide note once, but was too scared of the pain if I were to survive a suicide attempt.

I feel lost and hopeless and I'm getting very close to giving up...I don't know what to do...
By: rosurin
Age: 16-17
91 people have read this story

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3 responses
  • jennifertugadi
    jennifertugadi

    Your hard feelings about being a burden will go away with the anti-depressants. You have got a hard row to hoe, as they say, but you are young yet, and you never know how things will turn out. And there is value in everyone: everyone who can see, who can think, who can feel, who can see the beauty of this earth, as well as its ugliness. There is value in you and in your life. A LOT of people suffer from depression and other mental illnesses, it is part of being human. Don't let it worry you or shame you. Just do what you need to do to be well, and never doubt that you, rosurin, are unique and precious, just as we all are.

    Feb 22
    1 like
  • saddleupjep
    saddleupjep

    This sounds exactly like me, even the deafness in one ear. I am sick all the time. I promise you this, your parents would rather help you through all of your illnesses than lose you. I survived my 2 suicide attempts thanks to my mother's capacity for walking in at the right moment. Knowing that I didn't want to live was much worse on her than having to take me to the doctor for my ear infections or my allergies or my stomach bug. If you are not on antidepressants, speak to one of your parents (or your doctor) about how you are feeling. I've been on them for years and they really do help.

    Feb 21
    1 like
  • jennifertugadi
    jennifertugadi

    Oh honey, this sounds so hard. I think you should go on anti-depressants as soon as you can. They take about a month to get to work. When I went on anti-depressants, my acne, which was really bad, cleared up. Maybe your immune system problems will be supported by them. I hope so . . .

    Feb 18
    1 like