I Can'T Get Out Of This Sadness

I've always been this girl who was shy and kept her secrets and problems to herself. When I was younger, I always had one friend. I was and still am scared of people. Without any reason I cried myself to sleep every night. Then I lost my grandfather and everything got worse. My parents decided to call a psygolist. That didn't really help me at all. After a while everything got better until the beginning of 2012. I got into a depression. I met my crush and he supported me and helped me through it. At new years eve I decided to start over. The first month went great and now I'm just starting to lose myself again. I am totally desperate. I don't know what to do, what to think, what to feel. The only thing I know is that I don't want this pain anymore. There were times I felt like I was addicted to the pain. But right now I'm so done with this pain. I'm not thinking about suicide anymore because I don't want to hurt the people who care about me. I learned that there will always be someone who cares. The only thing I haven't figured out yet is how to become happy.
alskardig512 alskardig512
13-15, F
Feb 20, 2013