I Call My Depression the Beast!

I am so glad to find a group that I can share  the horrible day to day struggles with,and get feedback as well.Ive battled this  since the age of  14 & I`m now 52.I have tried so many meds,which either work for a bit or not at all.The people around me don`t understand the severity of major depressive episodes,so i keep everything inside not sharing with anybody,which creates so much unhappiness & feelings of hopelessness.This is not how I wanted my life to be!
maddangell maddangell
61-65, F
3 Responses Jun 4, 2007

Many times just reading about how someone else interprets depression helps me to understand and accept my own in a new light. Depression is not who you are, depression is something that interferes with who you are...like a separate entity. Some people will never experience what it feels like while many of us suffer silently trying to trudge along through the everyday necessities of life...or sometimes we cannot even trudge along. <br />
<br />
Someone wrote the following (found it on the web,) and did so very accurately. I found a bit of comfort in this person's interpretation and hope you find comfort as well:<br />
Depression is when you can't sleep and you get so bored looking at your ceiling, that you spend weeks and nights contemplating what to do with it only to find that you wouldn't have enough determination to do it. <br />
Depression has the feeling of death, without the dying par.<br />
Depression is the killing of the broken pieces of your heart.<br />
Depressing is slow motion and fast motion at the same time.<br />
Depression is hoping to survive and hoping not to at the same time.<br />
Depression isn't contemplating suicide, but wishing you were already there.<br />
Depression eats your insides out, smiling.<br />
Depression is waking up knowing you have to live another day while others pray for one<br />
Depression makes you who you are and who you'll always never want to be<br />
Depression, mostly, is when you have had it so long that you are scared of who you will be when and if you get better. You wonder if you could survive happy and if the happiness would eventually destroy you and eat you up.<br />
<br />
FuschiaTulip

Hi, i am a 62 year old woman and have battled clinical depression and anxiety since 12 27 05. I was in counciling going to see med nurse, in her office i lost it,started crying,suicidal. I did a volenteer 51 50. The police escourted me to an ambulance where i was held until about 10 pm crying all this time. and then taken by an ambulance to a psychiatric hospital several miles from my home.Was held for 3 days. I was in bad shape. I am a stronger person now because of that horrible experience. I had absolutely no kind of emotion it was like i was frozen emotionally, thank God for a great psychietrist she pointed out to me that i had quiet anger,I had to go home and really examine her words, she was right i was really pissed off at my life. I have been in counciling a great support group for adult children of alcoholics,and digging my way out of the abyss of HELL CALLED DEPRESSION.there is hope and do not worry about what people think they DO NOT WALK IN YOUR SHOES

I really feel for you. I have had a hard time finding happiness for most of life. It is so difficult when no one understands. I have always tried to be a good person but I sometimes think that my depression stems from not ever feeling truly loved. Maybe I am loved, but I never feel that I am.<br />
I keep thinking that if I had someone to walk through life with me I would be happy.<br />
I guess that is being too needy.<br />
Nothing much else brings me joy. I could win a million dollars and that would not make me happy.<br />
It seems it is all about my emotions and wanting to feel connected.<br />
Sorry just rambling

I feel exactly how u feel :(