Why Do I Feel This Way?

My depression is deep-rooted.  I believe I am genetically predisposed, as my father (recently deceased) and my next oldest brother (my only full-brother; I have two half-brothers) also have suffered.  I believe the actual moment when the bloodline became wired for depression can be traced.  It occurred when my father's older brother was killed in a car accident (my father was around 10 years old, at the time).  On an audio tape which he recorded as he was dying (recounting his entire life), he claimed that on that day "his life ended".  Well, it didn't, of course, but he carried that pain around him his whole life and, I believe, passed it along genetically to his offspring.

Along with depression, I suffer from anxiety (which I've always considered my main ailment).  I've been on numerous different meds, and have yet to find the right match.  Currently, I take LEXAPRO (20mg) daily.  I feel I have managed my anxiety better lately, but my depression has grown, and I am as empty as ever.  Why?  I also drink a good amount of alcohol (not college-like, but around a 12-pack a week, with an occasional tequila and a rare scotch).  Of course, I know this would hinder my medication's effectiveness, but I like to drink, and it's another way to cope.  A more critical issue is my obsessive and compulsive eating.

I could go on and on, but I joined this website to interact, so I'll stop here.


blister blister
36-40, M
Jun 10, 2007