I've Always Been Depressed.

I'm pretty sure it runs in my family, although we never talk about it.  I can't remember a time when I felt ok though.  Even as a kid, my teachers and other adults worried about me and said I should seek professional help.  I've tried every class of anti-depressants on the market, and nothing made much difference.  My psychiatrist said it must not be chemical, but emotional.  So I went to a counselor.  He told me that it's my own fault and I need to just snap out of it.  Yeah, like I haven't tried.

Years ago I was suicidal.  I never imagined I would live long enough to finish jr. high.  Then I did.  So I figured I'd die before I graduated high school.  That was ten years ago.  I'm still here, and now I don't really want to die anymore, at least not most of the time.  The problem is I haven't taken care of myself and now I don't know how I'll manage to live with the consequences of that.

I'm a born-again Christian too.  Most people find that out and think I must be some sort of hypocrite, but I know that being saved doesn't mean all your problems somehow disappear.  These days the only thing that really keeps me together is my faith.  I pray that God will take away the depression, but so far it's still here.  Some days are better than others though.  At least I'm no longer actively planning my own demise.
Sidira Sidira
31-35, F
4 Responses Jun 18, 2007

Hi, it sounds like that counselor was a quack, saying it is your fault that you are depressed. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in dec. of 05. Thank God for psychiatry, GOOD counsiling and medication i am in recovery, learning a lot about depression its emotional and can be physical and very debilitating. I AM A 62 year old woman and an adult child of an alcoholic. One idea is depression is anger turned inward. I do hope the best for you. please keep in touch

I find that depression is so debilitating. I would be a human guinea pig if it would take away that terrible feeling. I would have to have a safe environment to be able to do that though. I wish the medical profession would take depression far more seriously than they do. If people have a broken leg, doctors don't send you home and tell you just walk on it, it will heal eventually.<br />
They have to take the time to fix it.

I probably should... but I just can't put myself through that again right now. I'm not the kind of person who is comfortable with medications of any sort, so it's really hard for me to trust in them. I imagine after some time has passed though that I will probably try again.

maybe you should look into a different psychologist. Just because they haven't come up with a drug that helps you doesn't mean that you don't have a real problem. I hope you can find something that can help.