Unwell

I’m 23. I am the youngest of seven, I don’t have any children, and I’m not married. My job is decent and my pay isn’t bad. I own a house, a dog, a car, and I’m not in debt, but yet I just can’t seem to be happy.   There’s a guy that lives with me, who loves me, but I haven’t been very good to him. He would go the distance for me and yet I spend most of my weekend “running around”. I don’t tell him where I am going most times, instead I tell him and my family that I am going out with my closest girlfriend, who lives 3 hours away. Now, I find out that people are questioning whether my friend and I are just friends or if there’s more there. Honestly? I have been dating her brother. I haven’t told anyone about this, because it would absolutely destroy this guy that lives with me. He and I aren’t dating, but we did for a while and were even engaged for a short while. He has been there for me through a lot of things and I really don’t want to loose him as a friend, although I know that I need to let him go. I feel like that is the only way to be true to myself again, because of all the things that I have done behind his back.   Anyway, I’m depressed and it’s really bad this time. I feel trapped. My sister is going to be moving in next door to me and my parents are always hanging around asking questions. My family makes it look like they support my decisions, but really don’t and in their very next breath they tell me what they think I should do making me second guess the choices that I make. Making me unsure of myself. I feel like when I make decisions if it’s not what they want they guilt trip me into changing my mind or doing what they want. I understand that they don’t want me to fail, but when will I be old enough to just do what I want???   I don’t feel like anyone takes me seriously. First, because I am the baby of the family and second because of my age. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I like to live close to my family, but then I hate it, too. I don’t like people watching over me all the time and telling me what they think I should be doing. I know they care, but I just need my space.   I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like there isn’t an up and I can’t see my future. I am on anti-depressants, but still feel like the world is caving in. I realize that this is partially my fault for getting into the predicaments that I do.   I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere and I just don’t know what to do…. Can anyone help? Is there any hope? How do I fix the mess that I’ve created without hurting everyone around me??
SQ SQ
26-30, F
1 Response Jun 20, 2007

I am not sure,it sounds like you are trying to do what others want you to do instead of being true to yourself. Try to be honest about your feelings with those you care about, as hard as it may be,you will feel better about who you are. keep in touch