Seven Years Bad Luck

My mother, grandmother, cousins, uncle, and 3 siblings are all on antidepressants.... and I tried to fight it for years throughout physical and emotional abuse from my father, an alcoholic mother and step father, and a rape when I was 15. Finally, last fall during my sophomore year of college, my dad made me choose between having a relationship with my sister who he was in an argument with, or having him continue to pay for my college education... I chose my sister and he stopped all contact with me. I barely was able to pay for the next semester using all my savings from my summer job, and meanwhile I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me throughout our entire relationship. He had two girlfriends. I was heartbroken and took it out on him, and since he was a close friend of my sister and her husband's, their relationships with him changed too... somehow they blamed it all on me and told me I was no longer welcome in their home because I caused too much chaos. I was left without a home, with no family in the entire state, broke, and without close friends because I had pushed them all away during my relationship. I would go out walking in the middle of the night for hours on end by myself because I couldn't stand to be alone in my room, and I wanted to lose weight to feel better about myself. This was a few months ago. Since then I've been put on Cymbalta but I still struggle with body image and I still am hurt by everything that happened... I have developed an eating disorder and have a new boyfriend who loves me, but I find myself incapable of truly loving him back... I hope someday I can be normal again. I can only dream of the days when my biggest problem was a test in school or a mosquito bite.
ashann ashann
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 20, 2007

I can only admire your inner strength. No matter how you feel from time to time, many people would have crumbled under such an onslaught of atrocious treatment. You deserve much better from life and from other people, and because of your character I have little doubt that you will find happiness and fulfillment some day. All the same, I wish you all the best of luck.