Depression: Don't Give In

I was diagnosed with depression in 2000. I could not even dress myself. Anything that once gave me pleasure no longer penetrated my sadness. Before this happened I thought depression was feeling a bit sad. I didn't know just being awake could be a torture worth escaping from.  I was put in hospital and they decided I had psychotic depression, which means, the bad thoughts I was having about myself were so unfounded they deemed me crazy. As I couldn't eat a thing I was suspected of having an eating disorder which complicated things for me. I felt suicidal but I did not want to die deep down. Every time I got close I asked someone to help me stop myself... I sabotaged my own attempts... because while I was in much pain I also remember when life was great. I was put on Zyprexia, and Zoloft. I started getting better with the help of cognitive behavioural therapy. This involves looking at your negative thoughts and challenging them. Behavioural aspect of it, is to start using baby steps to build your life back up. Unfortunately once I got better I decided to experiement with marijuanna... the combination of my medications and this drug sent me MANIC... hence I was diaognosed with bipolar even though my mania was the result of combining drugs... I felt labelled and trapped by my mental illness and gave into my label by deciding if everyone else thought I was so messed up... I was going to stop trying to achieve my goals... this didn't last long though.. I decided to help myself and did 5 intensive years of psycho therapy... today I'm nearly finished a social work degree and have 2 children.. I battle everyday but everyday I goto the gym and run... I think being physically fit is one of the keys to being mentally fit.. I constantly monitor my thoughts and moods... and if I ever lie in bed for more than a day... I go seek help... I thought I was going to be depressed forever... but I dragged myself out... its like climbing out of a deep hole with your fingertips... while they are bleeding... it takes guts and determination... but its definately not impossible... for those people who cannot sleep and wonder if you ever will be able to... my therapist asked me... do you think you will be 60 and still not able to sleep? I realised that was absurd.. that helped me a lot.
Marysuss Marysuss
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 22, 2007

You story was inspiring to me... :)