Half a Life of Depression

I was diagnosed with Depression when I was 16 years old.  I am now 30 years old and still suffer.  I think I actually suffered from it a long time before I was diagnosed.  Things were going on in the family and in an online relationship that just made things HELL.  I used to self harm and try to kill myself, but it never worked.  I finally went into therapy at 16 year of age and things got a little better.  One day soon after, I missed a therapy appointment and forgot to make a new one.  I never went back.

Since then I've developed Anorexia Nervosa and have been through many doctors, and many treatment centers and hospitals.  This is all a part of the depression.  I starve myself to punish myself for being a bad person.

And that's how it's been going up until this day!

Licorice Licorice
31-35, F
3 Responses Jul 23, 2007

I have chronic depression, and have been in and out of counselling since I was 12. It never worked when parents 'made' me go. I started counselling again when I just had a baby, post partum depression, and the marriage was falling apart. I was lucky to find a good counsellor who made me realize that the hell I was living was not life, and I simply didn't have to do it anymore. So, maybe not happy, but relief! My Mom used to call all the time and ask about counslling and I would get so mad. With no job and baby, how did I have time or money for that? I told her if she really wanted to help, she'd find a counsellor for me. She did. So- I guess what I'm saying is, there are many excuses not to go- but it does help. Can you try?

Hi Licorice,<br />
<br />
I too, battle depression on a daily basis. A lot of it has to do with my marriage - or should I say, lack of it. My husband and I don't communicate any more - there's nothing - not even sex.... and it really sucks! It makes me feel worthless and unloved and from that has stemmed depression. I've been to counselling, but am very good at hiding what I feel.. I'm also good at dancing around the truth - which didn't do me a damned bit of good - which I see now, but now, I'm out of work, a mother of 2, no income, no friends, and a husband who barely knows I exist. <br />
I just want you to know that all of us who battle depression live in our own world - which we want to be perfect - but there is no such thing - God didn't make ANY of us perfect, so how could we have a perfect world? By not being able to FIND our perfect world, it sets us into a deeper state. Never knowing, and not being able to sense what might happen next. I've had online affairs, one of which resulted in my oldest daughter... (the only good thing to come out of that affair I might add), and it can be hell. What you have to remember, (and I have to keep telling myself this all the time), is that you're not alone. There are people who will listen - and help if they can - there is counselling - medication - and even you. Yes YOU! Toph is right when saying that YOU have to make a decision - and it's NOT easy - but just be open to all that is around you - you have friends here... I hope you feel better soon ----- I hope we ALL feel better soon....

battling depression starts with a decision to change and be happy. pharmacological and psychotherapy can help and are most effective when the patient herself is open to rehabilitation and recovery. <br />
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it is good that you can express yourself through writing. keep it up.