Every time I start feeling like super man, and I'm savagely handsome and everybody loves me, I should see it coming. I do, but it doesn't cause any trepidation or anxiety. How can it? I feel like superman. Wham! It hits , and I'm sobbing so hard, I can't talk. It's as if everyone I love has suddenly died in some horrible accident, or all my children have developed an incurable cancer. It's like the worst acid trip ever. In five seconds, I go from loving life to wanting to die. Even the people I'm close to have a hard time understanding. When I can, I try to have someone with me, they usually don't know what to say, I try to explain that they don't have to say anything, just be with me in case my heart explodes, or that cold cold hand squeezes the life out of it. It really feels like it could. I know everyone dies alone, but I want someone to hold my hand, because I'm scared. It always has to be a female, for some reason, it's not as embarrassing in front of a lady. The worst, is when it hits in a crowded place and there's no where to hide, and no one that I know is around
I love every one who fights this battle just a little more, because we are always going to be the only ones who really know what a living hell it can be.