I'm Losing Hope

I have dealt with depression since my late teens, but have never done anything about it until now.  I am trying to attend an outpatient hospital group, but I am usually too "sick" to attend.  The biggest problem with the outpatient group is coming home.  I feel like my boyfriend doesn't understand what is going on.  I'm not sure how to help him understand.  I'm not sure if he is a "deep" enough human being to understand.  I have no friends, little family support, and I am losing hope in my relationship.  What can I do?
psychochic psychochic
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 25, 2007

There are two kinds of support in the world: external and internal.<br />
External support is from friends, families, boyfriends/girlfriends. Internal support is from ourselves.<br />
<br />
As someone who is battling depression, I find that internal support is the best. Friends and family may leave us, and the only constant in our life is us.<br />
<br />
Internal love is the most important. It then gives us room to become a family member and friend to others. <br />
<br />
Don't depend on your boyfriend. He may go. Depend only on yourelf for happiness. That depressing in and of itself? Then trust yourself. Know that believing in yourself isn't lonely, it's an exciting internal odyssey that few think about.<br />
<br />
The happiest points in my day are by myself. That's perfectly fine with me. I'm the only one that 100% understands me, and probably will be the only person that ever will.

I have also dealt with depression and anxiety for over 20 yrs. I tried several medications and therapists and finally got the right ones almost two years ago. My life has complety changed. I can handle things now and dont feel out of control of my emotions, even when I'm down. I didnt think I would ever stop feeling like I did, but today i can honestly say I know I will never be that person again. Dont stop fighting, because I know it's possible. We all deserve the chance to lead a healthy life and to be able to mange our day to day. I added yoga to my "therapy" and it may sound corney, but it really helps. It teaches you that we are not our bodies and we are not our minds. It helps you to "not think" and give y our mind a break, which for me has always been my biggest problem-thinking too much. <br />
Congratulations on taking the step. Your relationship is not going to give you what you need and it's not his fault he doesnt understand. He cant. You need to get that somewhere else. It took me a long time to figure that out and a near breakdown after a breakup, but its true. You need to focus on you right now-seriously. You caan subconsciouly push im away or sabotage your relationship as part of your depression, I know I did many times. <br />
<br />
He just needs to be there, dont put added pressure on yourself by trying to make him understand. Can you understand what a drug addict, diabetic or religious fanatic feels? No, but you can love them. <br />
Sending positive energy to you! good luck and please dont give up.