Down Deep

My wife, Dr Sharon Ph D is so depressed and has been for the last 5 Years. Her medications have not helped her. Lately she was prescribed Geodon which seemed to her. Finally relief after 5 yrs. But it only lasted 4 weeks and back into the deep. She can get outside and walk around the yard, which is more than she was able to do for a long time. She is easily boarded and frankly I am too. I retired on 4/27/07. We plan on some volunteer work at our local senior citizens center. I hope that works. She says she feels disacoiated. She has a small practice out of our house. She is able to preform her job well, but after that is over she goes into her depression.

She blames her state of mind a lot on me. You see there has been a bit of physical and verbale abuse in our past. I've repented and sought counsceling for it. It does not seem to be enough. I love this woman and want to see get well.

Thank you

Bill Boemer

boemer1 boemer1
61-65, F
2 Responses Jul 26, 2007

I think going to the senior center and getting involved in activities with others will help her. Also doing volunteer work should be helpful. I have battled depression most of my life and find that working or keeping busy with others makes you forget about it sometimes.

That's a really tough situation. I also battle depression, and the problem is that everyone's got to find their own cure. The good news is, there are MANY cures, it's just about finding the ones that you respond to the best.<br />
<br />
The thing that caught my eye is that she blames you for her depression. While I can understand that, I also have learned that happiness is one's own responsibility. Also, what you said about repenting and going to counseling makes it seem as though she's allowing herself to be in a rut and using her past as an excuse to stay there. Is she also going to counseling, or is it just you? I recommend marriage counseling; just tell her that if your actions are truly effecting her, then you need to work together to solve it.<br />
<br />
I don't doubt at all that you have truly made an effort to change your ways and have succeeded. That you're going to counseling says a lot to me and I congratulate you! At the same time, I want to say that I don't find her the "bad guy" in the situation either; I know what it's like to fall in a rut and how difficult it can be to climb out.<br />
<br />
My psychiatrist told me that medications do not solve the problem...they help you make better decisions so you can heal better. That's why he also perscribed me counseling along with my meds.<br />
<br />
I recommend having her talk to a psychiatrist for medication evaluations and for input on whether or not counseling would help her. Remember, recommend this and marriage counseling as something you can both do to improve the marriage, not something she has to do to fix herself. Use words I/me and we/us language, like:<br />
<br />
"I think/feel that this would be good for us," and "We can do this together," and "I would love to see our relationship get better." Stay away from "you" language, because even if what you say is meant to be nice it can always be interpretted as an accusation because it singles her out.<br />
<br />
Good luck and remember to keep asking for advice from people if this doesn't work. :) My thoughts are with you.