I Just Want to Laugh

i too suffer from severe depression. i amm new here and i would like to talk to people please.. i am supposed to go to work and i don't want to do anything. i am on medical marijuana. i don't know what to do. i want to hurry up and grow old and die sometimes. i fell lonely in a acrowd . i want friends but i don't make friends easily and when i do i am terrified to do anything with them . i don't socialize well. i always feel like i have to put on a false. i want to ******* die sometimes, i don't like seeing my wife cry. she wants to help but she feels helpless. i love her because she loves me unconditionally. God please send someone to help me. i don't know what to write so i am just putting down what i feel. i just want to laugh.
greenacres greenacres
46-50, M
2 Responses Jul 27, 2007

greenacres, I also suffer from depression and have tried to find solutions. I think this forum (I just found it) is a good place to be. Do you know if other family members (parents, siblings, etc) have depression, becoz you should know there can be genetic tendencies. Also, is the medical marijuana from a physician who treats depression? I can assure you as a medical professional, talk therapy and medications(there are very many to try) are considered really helpful. Hope this helps and be interested to hear how you are doing. I think there are a lot of people who won't admit they have depression - maybe if more of us felt safe enough to talk about it, it wouldn't be so lonely. Kelly

Thanks for being so honest. I know how you feel. The good news is that you are not alone, you have a wife to talk to. I have no one. It's hard for me to try and get a job b/c depression is paralyzing. Try writing comments to others on this website. As hard as it is, even online, I learned that in order to overcome depression is to give to others for others to give back. Giving to others opens people's hearts and perspective and allows them to see you. =). I don't like being fake either, but my honesty frightens others so... Use this website, blogs, journals, and your wife to talk to and share who you really are. People are used to living in this society with a mask on so being honest really frightens most people. =)