Luke...

Couldn't sleep and as usual was surfing and came upon this site.  Thought I would give it a try.  So, my depression started when I was 16...I am now 47.  I knew something was wrong with me, that I did not feel quiet right for years but, did not get bad until about six years ago.  At that point I was thinking of ways to end my life.  I got treatment and can honestly say I did pretty well.  Until November 10, 2005.  That was the day my life as I knew it ended.  When I ended as I knew myself.  My precious son, Luke, who had just turned 26 yrs old suddenly died.  We lived in differents states (He was in college about to graduate in December) I will never forget that day.  It was my day off.  That night at 9:24pm  my cell phone rang.  When I looked to see who it was it was my sons dad.  He lived near Luke and Luke worked for him part time.  Now, I don't know how I knew, but, when I seen my ex's number I knew something was wrong.  And I knew I did not want to answer that call.  But, I did.  After saying hello, my sons dad said my name.  I'll never forget how he sounded.  I immediately said, something is wrong isn't it?  He said yes.  I said, is it Luke.  He said yes.  Now two things went thru my mind.  One...ok he's sick and I need to get there...Two....he's hurt and I need to get there.  I was so afraid to ask what was wrong with him.  But, I never, ever expected to hear...He's dead.  Nothing has ever been the same since that answer to my question.  Most days I just hold on the best I can.  And most days I wonder what's the point.  But, I have another child, my son, Josh who is now 26.  I hold on for him I guess.  He lost his brother, his best friend in life...so I hold on.  The worst thing in my life was losing my Luke...the second...having no one to really talk to that understands the depression.  So, I guess that's why I am here. 
debrah1110 debrah1110
46-50, F
1 Response Jul 30, 2007

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can only begin to imagine the pain you're going through. <br />
I think it's great that you found this site. It's a wonderful support. I wish for you healing in your heart. I believe your son would want for you to be happy and at peace as I'm sure he is now. Blessings.