I Will Always Be Alone.

I have had problems with my depression for years.  Some days are harder than others.  I've seen a counselor on and off for the past 5 years.  She told me that the main trigger of my depression is relationships.  I'm single and feel that I will be alone for all of my life.  I try and try to make myself happy being single, but all it does is cover up my real feelings.  I tell people that I love being single because I am independent and that I don't want to have kids.  That's all a lie.  I'm lonely and feel very insignificant.

So I finally met someone that makes me feel like I am important.  That I am beautiful and a wonderful person.  Then what did I do?  I messed it up just like I always do.  I pushed and pushed until he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I know...I'm wining and my life could be a lot worse right?  Well I can't think of many things that would be worse than spending your entire life alone with your cats.  No boyfriend, no husband, no children; never getting the opportunity to experience a proposal or a wedding or childbirth.  I feel all alone and I know I will always be alone.

stillsingle stillsingle
22-25, F
14 Responses Aug 1, 2007

Me too.... every word :(

Always be honest about your feelings and go after what you want. In this case, a boyfriend. take action towards your goal and hope for the best. Don't get upset or discouraged by rejection or failure. My depression doesn't have such an easy solution. My depression is real. You Are simply sad you are single. Lets find you a boyfriend!

You don't have to be single to be alone....being married can be even more lonely.

there is no crowd to join ( hence the saying "join the crowd" makes no sense).. ;)

Sometimes everything we need and want is right in front of us but we don't see it.. It's not what happens to us in life .. it's how we percieve it. It may sound a bit corny and zen like but is's true<br />
lkatz

stick to God who i believe is more than a friend and all other things will be added an to you

i truly belive i was depressed and now am no more.. this is simple advice but reality. Remember when you couldn't ride a bike and suddenly you did and realized years later how can people not figure out how to ride a bike? well this is similar. here is the solution: You must accept yourself and your life. that's it..You think everyone else is happy. Go in search enging and look up i hate my wife.. i hate my husband...if you are said cause you are single being married will not make y ou happy. When can't u just be grateful you are healthy or maybe you have a good job. Go help out and be a big sis to someone who really has problems. I know it sounds cruel to say this to you but this is reality. I hate a horrible marriage but i am grateful my kids and i are healthy and i am smart enough to make a good living.<br />
<br />
think about it...ps these pyschologist don't know ****. Why don't you asked them about their personal life. you would be shocked!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in the same boat. Let's rock!

Hello, new here. <br />
<br />
I definitely understand what you are going through. Relationships are a constant struggle for me as well and it seems like things will never be any different. Some days it is hard to smile, hard to feel validated, hard to be present with what is going on. <br />
The hobby is a great suggestion. I like to paint, and ride my bike. Exercise is one of the best things for you. It gets you out and you can become familiar with the people that you live around. There are a lot of people who suffer with the same problem of being alone. Help yourself out and give yourself the resources to overcome your fear. You can do it with little steps in a positive directions.

We can be in a room full of people and feel lonely,We can sit there and allow the world to go on with out us, but the truth of the matter is, its our own fault. I have lived on a hospital ward when I got mentaly ill, I never had a clue about what was going on or why I was ehere, but thays not important now because I have learnt to adjust and except my self for who I am. Lonleyness fortunatly is something we can change,it is not an lllness its a choice, you either want to be around people or you dont, I would rather sit in my own company with my own thoughts then sit there in a room full of people talking out of their back sides, Get to know your self better and you may be surprised, Take care. xx

I agree Shadowmuse is very wise in her comments here. To begin with don't play the blame game. I'm sure you have been doing it for years now and has it helped? Has it worked for you so far? Now is the time to love and approve of yourself; have fun and do things you want to do for yourself, try new things; watch the comedy channel or funny movies as much as you can. When you love and take good care of yourself, others will love and care about you. We ALL need to be loved and to me Love is very healing. Take heart and truly believe that you WILL find love. You never know what's around that next corner. I would like to suggest that perhaps you could be honest and tell people that you would like to find love, but you just haven't found the right one. They may possibly know someone who would be perfect for you.<br />
I wish you love!

I think shadowmuse left some great comments there. Your story hit home with me because relationships (the lack thereof) are my biggest trigger for depression as well. I've dealt with depression for many years and it has kept me from thinking I am worth anything to anybody. <br />
<br />
I've been single for years and though I really do appreciate some things about it, I wish to be with someone as well. And I'm constantly reminded when I see couples or when I feel shy around a cute woman that I am alone and it feels hopeless. <br />
<br />
I try to hold out hope for the future though. I'm getting a better grip on what I need to do to feel better about myself. It's going to take time though. I hope you can find happiness with yourself because that is likely what is keeping you from connecting with someone else. Best of luck to you :-)

I think shadowmuse left some great comments there. Your story hit home with me because relationships (the lack thereof) are my biggest trigger for depression as well. I've dealt with depression for many years and it has kept me from thinking I am worth anything to anybody. <br />
<br />
I've been single for years and though I really do appreciate some things about it, I wish to be with someone as well. And I'm constantly reminded when I see couples or when I feel shy around a cute woman that I am alone and it feels hopeless. <br />
<br />
I try to hold out hope for the future though. I'm getting a better grip on what I need to do to feel better about myself. It's going to take time though. I hope you can find happiness with yourself because that is likely what is keeping you from connecting with someone else. Best of luck to you :-)

I feel your pain, I'm going through a similar situation. It's very hard, especially at night when I'm alone with my thoughts.<br />
<br />
It's easier said than done to simply just hope for a brighter future, so try to focus on the things that make you happy. If you can't think of anything, now's the perfect time to take up a new hobby. :)<br />
<br />
I try distracting myself by watching funny movies (nothing romantic or else I'm bound to end up feeling worse), or I'll get lost in a good book, in which I'm able to momentarily stop thinking about why I'm so sad. I've also always found writing to be very beneficial.<br />
<br />
Try your best to concentrate on yourself right now- not worrying about if you'll end up with someone. Learn something new, do something that you will be proud of, or hang around a new place. In time, you will be happier with yourself, and hopefully the pain from all of this will be eased.