Tears and Hearse

i hvae had tis feeling of emptiness in my soul for as long as i can remember. i feel sad, constantly..for n apparent reason. i strive towards perfection, i am madly competitive and very ambitious. nothing should fall below my expactations, i it did...i'd be i  ruins. i cant handle myself anymore. my emotions are driving me insane. i cry and cry and cry. sometimes, i can feel my heart beat wildly like i just completed a marathon, and i am flooded with this most realistic thought of dying. i dont understand what i am going through. i dont understand why i cant be happy. i am self destructive, my terrible negative emotions have drove me to do some things that would probably scar me forever. my parents are bugging me to go to the psychiatrist and my psychology lecturer thinks i have borderline personality disorder. this really messes with my head. i have dreams of going to harvard, no to a shrink. i dont understand why i cant be happy. i cry and cry and cry. one of mt friends that i trust the most just backstabbed me. i attempted suicide when i found out that she has been going aroung my school telling me i have serious mental problems. i cant trust anyone anymore...no one cares. im so lonely...i am in love with a man that i barely know but am thoroughly convinced is the right guy for me. he is thousands of miles away now...and i know he will NEVER love me.i am so lonely...so scared..everybody is abandoning me. where do i go? what am i to do?i dont know why i cant control my tears...i m sick of crying.so sick of crying and feeling like im dying.

TeeVee TeeVee
18-21, F
Aug 4, 2007