I Keep a Sinister Smile and a Hold of My Heart.

obviously i have depression.

 well to be more exact, depression and obsessive compulsive personality disorder.

the depression is more dominant and effects my life more.

I always remember feeling not good enough or not perfect enough as a kid. but the depression didnt hit until i was about 13 or 14.

when i got to my therapists office and sit in the witing room, or wait at the pharmacy for my gigantic bottle of pills or the fact i have to wear long sleeves every where all the time, makes me feel alienated and completely outside. like im on the outside looking in at all the sane people.

i feel as though im in a perpetual state of blue or fiery red.

before i even had a doctor, or the medication, i couldnt funtion. i couldnt get out of bed. leave my room or be alone.

but im feeling better. i have my ups and downs but overall im doing well.

a new home, i took out everyone that was making it bad.

a new job that i love so far. i work in a flower shop.

and a wonderful boyfriend who is the peanutbutter to my jelly.

rissadork rissadork
18-21, F
Feb 9, 2009