About Done....

I want this battle to be over.. I hate feeling sad and tired and angry all the time. But thats all i know to feel right now. I have so much to be thankful for, and i am thankful for everything i have, but you cant stop how you feel. Why have the things happened to me that have happened. I want it all to stop...I just want it all to go away and haunt someone else. Im tired of the nightmares and the crying and and being depressed and angry all the time. I cant stop any of it. I cant get it out of my head. I close my eyes and i see my mom taking her last breath. I see her turning blue and hurting. I see her in the casket. I see all those flowers, i hear the music, i feel the tears.....I miss her laugh, her smile, her hug and smell..I miss her so much...when will it get easier ? When ?? I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to hit something with all my might until it feels as bad as i do...but i know i cant do that...thats not me..My heart feels like it has been ripped from my chest and stomped on and then placed back inside me and expected to operate and function like normal. She was my best and closest friend for my life, and now she is gone...it the blink of an eye, she was gone. I want to be happy...i dont want to feel anymore, i dont want to feel ANYTHING anymore....i just want it to stop ! I want to be numb..so i dont have to hurt or cry........

fmjm1123 fmjm1123
22-25
4 Responses Feb 16, 2009

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I TRULEY AM SORRY. I CANT RELATE TO YOUR PAIN. I LOST MY GRANDPA ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO, WE WERE CLOSE BUT NOT REAL CLOSE. I AM LIKE YOU, VERY CLOSE WHEN IT COMES TO MY MOM. AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I FEEL YOUR PAIN JUST BY READING WHAT YOU WROTE AND YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS. IM NEW ON THIS SITE, JUST SEEN IT YESTURDAY AND YOU ARE THE FIRST COMMENT IVE MADE. IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I AM HERE.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I TRULEY AM SORRY. I CANT RELATE TO YOUR PAIN. I LOST MY GRANDPA ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO, WE WERE CLOSE BUT NOT REAL CLOSE. I AM LIKE YOU, VERY CLOSE WHEN IT COMES TO MY MOM. AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I FEEL YOUR PAIN JUST BY READING WHAT YOU WROTE AND YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS. IM NEW ON THIS SITE, JUST SEEN IT YESTURDAY AND YOU ARE THE FIRST COMMENT IVE MADE. IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I AM HERE.

Bananafone is right...i lost my best friend...i cant even picture losing my mother, but it will always hurt. But the pain will be a different pain as time progresses. It never goes away, but soon u will be able to tolerate the pain. After every tramatic event there is an aftershock. I will keep u in my prayers.

I feel your pain. I lost my mind when my mom died. I had feared it all my life. When it finally happened, I exploded with years' of negative potential energy. It nearly destroyed me. It nearly destroyed my children. Annoying as it is to hear, time does heal some. I have never stopped missing my mother. But the sharp new pain has dulled, just as the shiny newness of a romantic love dulls with time. Time wears the heart as the ocean wears a stone.