My Introduction

I can't ever remember not being depressed.  I've always felt disconnected.  It stared when I was a wee lad of six years old and we moved from the city to the suburbs.  From a parental point of view, it was the right thing to do, but it took me from a street of compatriots to the desolation of empty streets and fenced in yards.  There was nobody for me in the open emptiness, except my dog.  And, I'm still right there, a child without any connection except his canine.

So, I drink.  I've used every drug you can name with frequency, and kicked them all except booze and cigarettes.  I was immersed in the criminal underground for years, and now I am a respectable sort.  I buy my drugs from the state, pay taxes on my drugs, and don't drive while drunk (any more), so I am left alone by law enforcement officials. 

It still doesn't quell my internal struggle.  I am numb, but not comfortably.  I exist, somehow.  I hate the outside world and would never leave my house, given the choice.  It's not safe, I'm not safe.  I vomit frequently.

And people still care about me, worry about me, want to be around me, and I just don't get it.  For ***** sake, why?

junkluv junkluv
36-40, M
1 Response Feb 18, 2009

Dude, first don't be ******* around sanje, you better be serious or ill ******* slap you. Tell me what's up, you say your numb, you have to say all the ******* crap, no matter how messed, that's on your brain, i talked to mom for 3 ******* hours i told her my retarded thoughts, she told me her incredibly sad life story, life is perception, it's what you, make it to be, your ******* yearning for something, get a girl, read a book, **** just scream mother ******, do what you have to do you know, take a big ******* dump, your parents care cuz there your parents numbnuts, don't say that shizz, it ain't the fizz, laugh, live, BREATH and send me some shizz back, tell me how it's going, IF THIS IS A LIE THEN IT'S A LIE AND IM UPSET, you have to find someone who will empathize with you, trust me, it's always good knowing that someone else knows where your coming from <br />
im also emailing this to you in case you don't look, LIVE BETCH