Self Doubt, Hoplessness

I am so sick of everyone being brighter and more interesting than I am.. I think alot slower than most people, I have to actually try to keep a conversation going.. sometimes its very easy to do, generally with new people or anyone I'm trying to impress I always put my foot in my mouth or don't know what to say and it gets akward and people label me boring/stupid/weird. I know that I am very akward in most social situations because I'm the kind of person that will be loud and won't hold back words when I have something to say (which can be very hillarious and creative) but I go silent and mostly avoid eye contact when I don't know what to say so I don't get locked into a conversation that I don't what to say in.. I decided to go to a party with my brother today, we all had fun but I did so many stupid things and felt so antisocial, especially at the end where everyone was just sitting around talking.. I have nothing to offer, its so pathetic. Things can only get worse the more I let this go on. During just mess around games like catch phrase, and pictionary I tried to have fun but kept half worrying that I would do something stupid.. which I did, and of course my friend (which sometimes I don't know why I am friends with) had to call me out on everything dumb thing I did. It really depresses me to find that I am the klutz in almost every social situation and there is no way to redeem it, it's something I just have to try to deal with.. which is impossible if I wan't to have any kind of self respect.. all I wan't is to be normal, to not have to worry about all the things that normal people take forgranted. I wan't so badly to see a phyciatrist or any kind of professional help, but I don't want to be told to let go of the feelings of inadequacy or be sent to some slow learner class, I just want to pull through this horrible place.. I'm just so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, if anybody has any suggestions that may help my problem I would be eternally grateful.

Lookingforhappiness Lookingforhappiness
18-21, M
6 Responses Feb 22, 2009

I'm new here so haven't read any of your other enteries. What you describe sounds quite familiar to myself. Do a search for Asperger's syndrome. It's a form of autism that generally shows up in such ways as poor social skills and having a hard time understanding what makes other people tick. Maybe you will find some useful material.

LFH....not analyze....listen....feel where people are coming from...people like to sell they are being heard and understood....a good technique is to paraphrase back to them what you heard....not using exact words, but your own words....this keeps you focused on what they are saying, rather than what can can't seem to come up with next....take the focus off you...peace...SS

I wish I could just sit there and analyze everything that way.. I try, but its always so different in the given situation.. I get locked up and frustrated, I just have the hardest time staying positive once something wrong happens.

<I>"those who can listen - truly listen - are the most regarded"</I><br />
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I reckon SerenitySeeker hit the nail on the head with that one. Especially if you're in a new group of people, it's hard to know what to talk about because you're guessing at what they're interested in, so listening is a good thing to do until you're more confident about what you can say to add to the conversation.<br />
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I sympathise with you. I've never been much of a conversationalist, but I do try to listen as much as I can. People usually appreciate it.

LFH, long time no talk....I am sad to see this story...I was hoping you were doing better...<br />
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Remeber, no one is born knowing how to act in every situation...we learn...for many people, the act of learning is simple...they make a mistake, realize what they did, and decide to act differently next time....but, for some of us, we get caught up in this cycle of guilt and blame, insteading of just learning and moving on...in my opinion, you need to give yourself permission to learn...permission to make mistakes....ease up on the harsh judgements....and stop comparing yourself to the way you see others...<br />
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And, I might suggest you give up on this notion of "normal"....it doesn not exist....at least in the way that you might think....there are varying degrees of normal...a spectrum....and more accurate, it's not normal so much as healthy....there is plenty in our culture that is NOT healthy but is the norm because so many accept it...have you thought that sometimes your discomfort is your body/mind's reaction to something that you instinctively know is really not right, even thought everyone else is doing it?....just a thought there...<br />
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Not everyone is a great conversationalist...not everyone can be the life of the party...amazingly enough, those who can listen - truly listen - are the most regarded....the fancy, loud talkers may seem to get all the attention, but that is temporary....and the more we keep our mouths shut, the more opportunity we have to learn about those around us.<br />
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You have so much to offer...go easy on yourself...you're still new at this....peace....SS

i battle depression also and it can be very emotional. i try to keep a clear mind as much as i can every day is a new beginning if you can say those words it may help