The Thought of Suicide.

There has never been a time were i havent thought about suicide. Sometimes I feel that I cant even think staight. I'd try to talk about it to my friends but still I dont think they hear me.It feels to me that Im stuck here and I dont know why.Everything in my life I do gets all messed up.And again the thought of suiside comes up.I was on meds. but then iI didnt have any insurance so it wasnt covered anymore.So ive been faking my life for the past 3 years.And I just lost two important people that I was going to start a new life with... and im telling you this is the most hardest thing for me to not think about suicide right now.It seames like I am in a deep zone nothing matters to me .I feel like I dont matter.

stardust35 stardust35
31-35, F
5 Responses Feb 23, 2009

There are prescription drug plans out there for people without insurance. I couldn’t afford my meds either. It would have cost $400 a month for one prescription my doctor prescribed. I was embarrassed to tell him I couldn’t afford insurance anymore. We sat down and looked at alternatives. He prescribed some different meds (most with Johnson & Johnson) they have a great plan. Easy to apply for. I got approved within 2 weeks. My doctor wrote to prescription to last 4 months and I didn’t have to do any paper work.

I too often find myself in that awful pit where you just can't see a way out, and I question why I keep going. However, I too belive that we must hold on to hope. It can't always be like this, it must get better, I am not sure what will make it better, when it will be better, how it will be better but I believe that it will, for both of us and everybody else. Just hang in there and everyday try and love yourself a little more, give yourself permission to because you are worth it, whatever you think x

I can tell you it does get better! Trust that you will find the light at the end of the tunnel. I am 42 now and I have suffered from chronic depression since the age of 13 or 14. I tried everything and suicide was on that list. I never really wanted to kill myself I just wanted to die. It's an awful place to be, but there is hope and I encourage you with all my heart and soul to hang on to hope with all your might and believe that it will get better. Please don't give up. I care and God cares. You are here for a reason and perhaps right now that reason is just to heal yourself one day at a time, one moment at a time. <br />
<br />
You can start over in this very moment and vow to take care of yourself no matter what. You deserve your own love. You are worthwhile! Nourish your body with healthy food, nourish your soul with positive thoughts and get out and be around people. Join a local support group for people with depression. Call your local mental health support line or crisis line and go see your doctor. Do whatever it takes to find that tiny glimmer (light) of hope and go towards it. With love and care we can all get better. It all starts with loving yourself and believing that you are worthwile. I have struggled and I can assure you that it does get better. Don't give up!<br />
My prayers are with you. Bless you with healing love.

I am in the same boat. Alone in this boat we will paddle and go no where. Maybe together we can find an island where there will be a little peace. I hope so with all my heart

i KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING! I have been going through this so called life of ours "ALONE,SCAREDand VERY DEPRESSED".I wish i could say to you it will get better, but from my exsperience it doesn't.