I Battle With Suicidal Thoughts

Each day I wake up and see that there in nothing to live for. The only reason I think I am here is to pay bills that I can't pay and work bad Jobs. It's bad when you don't see a future that you don't want to live. I don 't have health insurance to pay a Dr. Feel Good that would give me meds and pat me on the back saying "Oh it will get better".

Life to me seems like a circle of darkness that just won't end. I find myself just staring off just to escape. When I come to it's like a jolt of pain running though me. I want to talk with someone but there is no one I trust and no one who would understand. I just want to be taken from this. I am losing my feelings I guess I feel numb it's the best way to make it though the day. I want to stay inside where I feel safe and away from others.

What is the use in trying when it always ends the same. I feel like am running in place what ever I do it ends in failure. I am getting older and starting to feel tried because I feel my ship sailed a long time ago



ars ars
36-40, M
1 Response Feb 25, 2009

Hello <br />
<br />
I have those feelings too its hard when you look at life with this perspective because it rarely fights your opinion.<br />
<br />
I will simply say of you want to talk to someone about how u feel I know in the past i just needed to type out what i felt and it decreased the feelings of hopelessness <br />
You can send me and email and i will reply will hopefully a little understanding and a bit of hope. <br />
<br />
I can recommend that you look at some books on amazon, they dont break the bank and all you need to do is start with one small one to help you understand what has made you feel in this way in the start. I know the thoughts you get when you dont want to be here anymore there is no point to this why do I sit here and keep going what is in this for me for once? why should i keep fighting? I have felt them all i am not going to tell you a quick fix answer unfortunately there isnt one that I have found yet. Will let you know if i do <br />
<br />
I am going to say its going to take lots of energy and some self belief But I know you can do it! you can fight this and come out with more insight in yourself than anyone you know xx <br />
<br />
You will be happy again xx