Tied Down

I feel good for the moment - calm and a bit tired - but, I know it won't last, and while I'm enjoying "this", I know time is running out.

"This" being a time of being in charge of me and only me. I'm not taking care of my mentally ill mother or my hostile brother, calming down the rest of the family, or caring for friends. It's me, about me for another hour until they come home, and then it's about them, again. Them, and work, and school.

Sometimes I feel like running away - from everything. Don't get me wrong - I love them all so much, but I worry. In a year - not even - I leave college. True, it's not far, and true, I probably will never really seperate from my family, but I feel cornered and guilty. Tired, too, of being the adult - the executioner - the commander - the therapist - etc.

This is not normal for a seventeen year old, or at least it shouldn't be.


Nich Nich
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 13, 2007

Oh dear. I completely understand what you must be going through right now. <br />
I also fully appreciate that the intensity of the feelings are far more than which can be reflected in an article.<br />
You know, at this is age, 17 or so, certain hormones are being released in our body. It makes you more emotional at times. Its part of growing up. <br />
Its the time when we start thinking, we grow more mature. <br />
Have you ever observed that good people often have a tragedy associated with them? The real thing is that no matter how much we hate a bad situation, it actually is making us strong! Its as if when you face hardships, God himself has come down to make you a better person!<br />
I am not saying that bad times are desirable. I am merely pointing out that the struggle we go through then, actually make the good times more enjoyable. <br />
The most tattered books hold the most valuable information!<br />
<br />
17 is a very tender age to be going through all this. But I know you are very strong.<br />
Whatever you say, it is pretty clear that you love your family very much. There is absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about! What you are doing, taking everybody's care, is a really wonderful thing! For that you command my respect and of many others I'm sure. <br />
Most guys actually prefer ones like you ;-)<br />
All you need to do is loosen up a little bit. Things aren't as bad. Give yourself some space. If you have a hobby, pursue it. Sing a tune under your breath. Hang out with friends if you can.<br />
Its a hard time, but you would like it much better when you look back and are able to say, Hey! I faced it all with a smile!<br />
I have sent a prayer to God for you. Everything's gonna be just fine. <br />
Best wishes.