I feel good for the moment - calm and a bit tired - but, I know it won't last, and while I'm enjoying "this", I know time is running out.
"This" being a time of being in charge of me and only me. I'm not taking care of my mentally ill mother or my hostile brother, calming down the rest of the family, or caring for friends. It's me, about me for another hour until they come home, and then it's about them, again. Them, and work, and school.
Sometimes I feel like running away - from everything. Don't get me wrong - I love them all so much, but I worry. In a year - not even - I leave college. True, it's not far, and true, I probably will never really seperate from my family, but I feel cornered and guilty. Tired, too, of being the adult - the executioner - the commander - the therapist - etc.
This is not normal for a seventeen year old, or at least it shouldn't be.