I've missed the last couple days of school because I faked being sick. I couldn't build up enough strength yesterday to go and fake all of my emotions for another day. Then I stayed home today and was planning on killing myself. I was going to drink a bunch of bleach even though I know it's extremely painful; I didn't care. But I forgot that my sister's school isn't in session on Fridays, so she was home with me. So I'm still alive, and I'm angry and frustrated that I am still here.
punicorn1 punicorn1
16-17, F
3 Responses Aug 15, 2014

Drinking bleach may not kill you anyway, could just leave you with damaged internal organs.
Message me if you want, if you have Kik you can message me there, my username is the same as it is here.

I know exactly how it feels. I'm in the same place you are at.

It really sucks because I know that suicide shouldn't be an option but I can't stop going back to it. Plus I know how awful it would be to do that to my family but ergh I'm so conflicted and just want to leave Dx

Same here and it's scary to think about where you'd go after your death.

Yeah I'm afraid that I might be wrong about my atheism and I'd go to hell xD but I'm afraid of traumatizing the person who finds my body. I think maybe I'll jump in front of a car so my family won't have that trauma. (Sorry I'm rambling I'm just thinking out loud)

I'm gonna be really hypocritical right now but don't kill yourself. If you have people that love you and really care about you don't do it. But yea, I feel like I'm going to go too hell too. Makes me sad cause I'm a really kind person with really sad thoughts. I don't think i deserve to rot ;(

I know I shouldn't but damn it's hard. I feel like that too, although are you a Christian? I'm just wondering because if you are then that might be a bigger factor for you than me. I'm the same way. Sometimes I wish I could've been a mean person so no one would care if I died. Unfortunately I'm too nice :/

Yup I'm Christian
And I'm WAAAY too nice also. People start to abuse my kindness and I end up getting hurt.
And yea I know it's hard
Ugh this is gonna sound lame but you gotta fight it
Oh god, I'm horrible with advice sorry.

3 More Responses

I've been in your state of mind and I know it may sound far fetched right now but believe me, things will get better. The hardest (emotional) times in my life were during my teens. I wore a fake smile for years. It took time for me, which took patience to see that slowly but surely things got better.

Give it some time and you'll see. Just don't give up! Like me, you have a purpose and I promise it's not to suffer.