I am depressed. I keep it from my family because it seems like they are doing alright. My father just passed away two months ago and the pain is real. It's hard waking up day by day with a missing part. I'll never be whole again. I just do not understand it. Why me? I've been a good girl all my life. I an a good daughter, sister, friend, student, you name it. All I ever wanted in life is a happy family and that's what I never had. I am trying to stay positive. Trying to retain Little miss Sunshine within. I don't show how broken I am. But at night, as I close my eyes, thoughts of loss and heartache crawl in my bed paralyzing my sanity. I've been crying myself to sleep for the past two months. I feel so defeated. My academic is ruined from being in a good standing to being in serious danger. I am cripplingly sad I can't seem to feel all the other emotions made available to human sensation. It's just sadness. Nothing else. I wish I can get over this sadness as soon as I can. I'm trying to devour into this weariness so when I bounce back, I'll be renewed. Hopefully. (I need friends by the way.) 😆
zrylism zrylism
22-25, F
6 Responses Aug 16, 2014

@ViperSatine wow that opened my eyes! thank you! He's just everything to me. I am a daddy's girl and he's my first love so I don't know how to move on.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father last year. The first year is the hardest because it's the first time you have all holidays and other occasions without him. Be prepared for that and allow yourself to grieve.

Please talk to your family. They may be putting on a strong front too. You all would benefit from sharing your feelings. Everyone grieves in their own way but there are many stages to grief. It's good to get the feelings out or they'll fester inside you and you'll get worse. Counseling could help you greatly to get through the hardest parts.

Some day you'll be able to cherish the good memories with a smile. It seems we don't realize some good things in our life till they're gone but the thing that can't be taken away is in your heart.

I wish peace and healing to you.

First off, tell your family. They may appear to be alright, but they are hurting too. Everyone just deals with loss differently. If you are hiding your pain, they think you are alright too.
The sadness will be there for awhile, over time you will grow to accept it. But you will never forget it, and thats a good thing, it means you will never forget him.
I lost a very good friend suddenly to a drug overdose in Feb, I still want to cry thinking about never seeing her the next time I'm in her city. But I have awesome memories with her. So any time I start to get down about her passing, I think about those good memories and they help me smile again. Also expressing my sadness with her other friends has helped.
Everyone needs a shoulder, don't try to live with the pain alone. Cry on someones shoulder who knew him, your mother, sibling, cousin...you may find that they have been needing yours to cry on as well.

Hey if you want message me!
We can just talk about anything and everything
I honesty can't imagine what's it like to lose someone that close to me, but I know the pain of depression for about 7 years now and it's literally from nothing. So maybe I can't relate with death but I can relate with pain
And it's always nice to have someone to talk to.. That won't Judge and is willing to listen

Oke first of all.. why you ? why not you ? some people out there in the world are alone without a family.. why them ? ofcourse its horrible what happend and that you lost your dad.. but its not deppresion.. its battling a loss.. a great big loss.. and you will feel that loss your whole life but it will get better.. your dad is still around you even though you can not see him.. time needs to scrap the rough edges off and you will be okay.. but never ask why me.. its not about you.. When god needs a soul back he will take it.. everything happens for a reason even though you don't understand it now.. your dad is not gone.. he is still with you.. remember that

Thank you for that! that's an eye opener. You're wonderful! It's just that I grew up as a daddy's girl and he's my first love. I don't know what else to do. and hey. this is depression. I know. I've experienced this before. Isolating myself. feeling not good enough. things like that :( thank you so much.

It takes time to get over a loss like that and some times counseling