I want to kill myself because I can't handle life, but because of 1 person who is my whole life I could never do it. I love that boy with all my heart, and that happens to me my son (well my adopted baby brother that I get custody of when I turn 18.) His laugh and smile makes my heart melt. He's the reasons for my smile, and why every time I go to harm myself I think to myself "What will happen to him if I do this?? I can't do this to myself because I wouldn't want him to know that his sister/mommy killed herself and make him go through depression." He's the reason I can't pull the trigger on the gun, he runs through my head every time and I can't do that to him. Just spending time with him does make me happy, makes me feel that he IS worth living for. If it wasn't for him I would've already been dead, but that baby reminds me why to keep strong. When I cry in front of him he runs to me and wipes my tears and crying himself.... and it bothers me. He's an amazing little boy, the cutest blonde hair blue eye baby I know and I'm proud of him and always will be! Nothing could ever make me want to stay alive expect for him. He's the reason for my strength to stay so strong and make it through the horrible depression every day of life!
DeterminedToMakeLifeWorthIt DeterminedToMakeLifeWorthIt
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 16, 2014

You seem to be a wonderful person to have adopted someone and feel so strongly about him. That's a rare virtue. Try to look within you and discover yourself. The pain points, if you have identified will vanish, the moment you discover that you are one of those rarest souls.

We had to a choice to adopted him or the family to put him up for private adoption which we would not allow because who knows where he would end up. His dad is bad news, and his mother is special needs so it was best for us to adopted him. It was the BEST decision I've ever made in my life, even though it's rough at times. He is truly loved and spoiled and has a fabulous life and I personally know as time goes on it will be hard for him (knowing his parents didn't love him enough to be in his life) but I'll be there for him every step of the way. I know who I am I'm just unhappy and I don't really know life (I am living my dreams, successful, get everything I want, I am very loved, many people care about me, I have a great life) and having the life I have I shouldn't be... my childhood was a nightmare but it's perfect now but still unhappy because of my childhood I guess. At least I have the baby to make me smile and give me a reason to live

*don't know why

Life will be better soon! Don't give up yet! Ya still have to watch him grow, in middle school, high school, college, and get married! God bless u two!

I don't even wanna think about him growing up!!!! Lol

Aww oh cuz u want the cute version of him! Haha lol

He'll always be cute but mean haha!

Haha! Lol

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