Can I Really Live 6 More Years of This?

Will I make it six more years of this?

Will the darkness consume me before then?

My kids will be 20 and 18 in 6 years......I will only be 36 then. My fear is that I won't be able to keep the razor off my wrists, the pills from the back of my throat, my car from around that big oak tree down street........before then. I keep telling myself that i can leave then or be free to kill myself then without fear of my husband.

My depression has eaten away all of my soul that my husband hadn't already sucked from my being. Can I bear to be trapped in this marriage anymore? Can I bare to live on the streets with nothing but a prayer? Can I keep enough of my sanity to get 2 kids grown with half of theirs?

 

Can I wake up tomorrow and get through another artificial day in this artificial life, with this artificial smile shining bright to hide my hollow eyes? Ohhh God why can't you take me away from all this before I shatter?

craZnaomi craZnaomi
36-40, F
Feb 28, 2009