I battle the people who brought me into this mood.Is always about someone who was abusive , parent , coleague , friend and that builds up , year after year ...and it leads to a feeling of dissapointment .
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2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Did you know the people who abuse you have a need to see you suffer? Its called "Narcissistic Fill." I learned about the takers in my life and yes the abusers, after a period of time I was being taken advantage of by many. I learned you teach people how to treat you if you overlook their abuse, however subtle or covert. They are dangerous people who think differently than people who feel empathy like you and this personality disorder is rampant. If you didn't stay home alone all day alone, and were out among people, you did meet them. Find out about this on Youtube. There are many videos which taught me about it. Look for Narcissistic Abuse or sociopath. You'll learn that people have to earn your trust and earn to know more about you. Sharing your stories is giving of yourself and sadly, these people take positive traits such as kindness and generosity, as weaknesses and use them to get what they want. My mother was wrong: she taught me most people were kind and there were a "few bad apples." It's the other way around unfortunately.

Yes. I've recently learned that this is a dead end. But it is very hard to break out of it. Here's the trick I'm trying...

When I find myself focusing on people who have harmed me, or misunderstood me, or are letting me down I (try) to turn that thought off and replace it with "How can I love them? What can I do more to act with love towards them?". And (when I'm successful), this shifts it all into a more useful place.

I know this sounds simplistic, but I'm discovering that the only way out of my pain is to turn myself outwards... to cultivate true, selfless love towards others. This is the only road that leads out... everything else has been a dead-end or a downward spiral.

Best to you...