Well... I can't get back to sleep...

And after reading some sad post and able to relate them to me, it makes me think... Was my soul purpose on this world to be a Ginny pig for everyone? To be a tool to be used for peoples happiness?

Cause if that's the case that isn't a life at all don't you think... I loved her so much... I thought I had it made, I thought people cared... But in the end... I'm nothing, a no body, a piece of trash no one would even think to say hi to and have a tea or coffee or slushie with...

Because I'm just a useless tool that only gets used when needed...
lostunit lostunit
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Hey, we have a lot in common. You are worth something to me :) everyone on this site is

If we have a lot in common than here is my advice to you, cause I was your age when I first took notice and thought everything was going to be better if I left it alone.

Seek help. Tell those that are hurting you and making you feel bad to stop or else. And find loyal friends.

Cause when you get older and you haven't corrected that error in time. Than your going to break like I did. And than its game over.

I wish you good luck.

I've tried all of that. I'm just waiting for something to break inside me or something to show up

You couldn't have. Your half my age.

I had a chance to fix it, but I didn't when I was your age. Now look where I am.

There were little programs back than. Now you have several. Go to your mom and say mom I got a problem. Shell take you to see the doctor to get it overlooked

I have been to a doctor my parents know
I am on meds
They don't really help
I have tried being friends with people but they just stab me in the ******* back

Wrong friends. That changes in high school when people start waking up and noticing what's going on and that this might be the last chance to find meaningful people.

Lastly meds can take along to start having effects you need to keep on them.

Like I said, I've been used and abused since I was younger than you. I endured till I broke 5 yrs ago. I 28 now. So when I was 23 is when I wanted to give up on life.

You say you are seeing doctors and have family support. That's more and far better than what I had. I had the cadets and video games to keep me alive. And no one knew I was depressed including me. Well till 5 yrs ago.

See how quick life can change? One hr your fine. The next you get a call from that girl you been eyeing and bang! You got it made!

I've stopped trying

Hey, give me a reason to stop trying. I made it this far?

I have reasons to stop trying. But they aren't yours!

I don't like meds.

But OK let's hear how you plan on killing yourself?

I'm sorry

Your sorry?

I don't know
I don't plan on killing myself
I'm just afraid it's gonna happen
I kinda want to

I hope you don't mind me diving in here at the end like this... Kinda stealing some thunder? :( But, it's when you said you are "afraid it's gonna happen" - it doesn't happen by accident dude, sure you could have a moment and do something crazy, but if you think about the other people at the scene, involved in finding you, ... it won't actually happen. You are still on the right side of life, with no plan. So allow me to share this with you. Please let me know if I've gone too far and should backtrack, or any thoughts you have even if it's just *lost*.

Living for don'ts, or fears, goes like this. Plenty of people rebelled against things. Like, the people of the world fought against Saddam Hussein in Iraq. Some fought for oil, but most didn't know what they were fighting for. They were just fighting against the dictatorship government. So, when it came to forming an interim government and setting up democracy, they failed dismally. Why? They did not have things they were fighting for. So I compell you to live *for* things. The only way fears become reality is if we allow them to occupy space in our brains. They quickly manifest and develop towards reality, because we fail to think up alternatives that would be better.

Think about what you want to live *for*, and think of ways you can reach those goals. Some call it making the competition irrelevant: when you have goals and are working towards them, suicide is not an option.


PS guinea pig? Don't you think that's great? That we can live things out and pass on that knowledge, experience, wisdom to the next generation? To other people? And let them see where that takes them?? For me that's the cool part of life. When you're old, you pass on everything that you've seen/done, and let the young set sail on their own journeys armed with all that context.

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God do I know that feeling.