24 Days To Go To My Suicide

Things that used to make me happy before have no affect on me. Things that used to be an escape for me now they just continue with the feeling of a knife in my chest.

If only smiling was as easy as dunking a basketball. I guess this is just another stage before my suicide. Losing the ability to feel happy. As simple as that feeling is, People shouldn't take it for granted.

There is no reason to smile anymore just to make somebody else's day better. I will die anyway.
theblacktiger theblacktiger
22-25, M
4 Responses Aug 21, 2014

There's a key in the question of why the date. I am sure I'm not the only one who would be interested in why then.

I feel your smile thing. Dunking a basketball - that's a talent :) I used to know that life is better. I knew it because my parents gave birth to me and cared for me for 18 years. I knew it because people who die from any suicide always leave people feeling sorry - they just don't know who they are while they're still alive. I used to know that there were so many people out there digging themselves so many holes, and I could help get them out and show them the light (I did that here for a *long* time). Then I realised my own life had frittered away, I'd given it all away.

I'm not entirely convinced life is better even now I've seen the worst through, but I do have an enquiring mind, wondering where I will go in the world, who I will meet, what they will show me about myself, ... I kinda wanna have sex a few more times, see if I can't crack this entrpreneurship thing and make some dough.

It all began by finding small things that interested me about the world. And then Wikipedia. All I had to do was 3 things:


1. Notice when something caught my eye, or was vaguely interesting.

2. Put some effort into remembering it, and typing it into Wikipedia/Google.

3. Read whatever came up.


My life got fractionally better. I didn't leave my family feeling worthless, and unable to help me, and that they were so obnoxious that I couldn't even talk to them. I am here, writing to you. Everything happens at the right time, and everything is alright in the end. If it is not yet alright, then it is not yet the end.

Start with those 3 steps. See where it goes. Please do update us.

I am going thru same nothing makes me feel good not even my children faith or family but i dont think suicide is the answer its cowardice to me no matter how miserable we are we should let the course go may be that will be our victory against depression !

DON'T kill yourself. Believe me....I've been there. Actually was almost there a few days ago. I have my reasons, but nobody really WANTS to die. I know that it's hard. I have had depression & anxiety for awhile now. I have 3 kids..so I'm hanging in. Life is tiring for sure. It's overwhelming & sometimes it sucks. But it's still worth living. I'm not going to tell you that things will get better...because I HATE it when people tell ME that....but there will be good times mixed it with all the bad. If you need to talk to someone...I'm here.

I am the same way. Things I used to love I no longer want. Things I used to enjoy I no longer do. My room is crammed full of stuff that I am slowly going through and getting rid of.
It's the stages of giving up, admitting to yourself your not going to get better.
But I'm not sure suicide is the best answer. What I'm thinking about is relocating. Start a new life and leave the bad behind. It might not work but it's worth a try.