What can I say.
I've had depression since I was 12.
It has gradually gotten worse.
I see the people who love me. And I love them.
But it isn't enough. I want to escape. That's all I ever think about. Wherever I am, I always want to be somewhere else. You can't just run away, though. You have people. A job. Rent to pay. Obligations.
I come home every day either numb inside or tormented by anxiety and depression.
I have a boyfriend who loves me so much. Too much. I just want to be alone. I'm cold inside and it's hard to be there for anyone.
I have talents, I have things I like to do. It doesn't take me away from what I feel, though.
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be a part of this society where you work and work to make money, the only **** anyone cares about.
I've tried drugs and alcohol and cutting. All the stupid coping skills. I've tried the good ones too. It always comes down to the same thoughts. Thoughts about killing myself.
I'm so ******* tired.
falseadvert falseadvert
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Have you tried volunteering? I know it's hard to make sense of why should you give when you seemingly have nothing. But just like "fire with fire", giving back will let you get closer in touch with you inner self. Spirituality is what we often neglect, but need the most in our lives?

This is exactly how I feel most of the time. Most of the time I feel as if I am just there and the world is passing me by and I'm just stuck in my own little world and trapped by my own emotions.