I've been struggling with depression since I was 12 years old, I'm 20 now. And as of tonight I've run out of the only thing that makes me feel good. Soon enough the physical pain will set in but it's the anxiety and sadness that will hurt the worst.

Almost ten years of fighting and I'm still stuck.
garagedad garagedad
22-25, T
3 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Have you tried running or other physical activity?

What was the one thing that made you feel good?

Opioids. I have a huge problem with prescription painkillers.

How long have you been taking them?

I used smack from the time I was 14 until I was 17, stayed clean for nearly 3 years. Through all the time I never touched anything prescription, and now somehow I've managed to get hooked on OxyContin and Roxicodone in under a month. I've used every day for the past six days, though.

To be perfectly honest, I don't have much experience with your situation, so I don't know how helpful I could be. But I am definitely here if you need someone to continue talking to. Do you have anyone close to you that could stay with you while you deal with this?

Circumstances forced me to move back in with my mom about a month ago so she's here but entirely unaware of how far I've been slipping.

That was meant for you ^

I know what you're going through. I take oxycodone after it was prescribed for scoliosis. I also abuse benzodiazepines like klonopin and ambien.

It's awful. The physical pain hasn't even started yet aside from a few random muscles aches. But the anxiety is already building because I know there is nothing to look forward to in terms of feeling good.

Honestly right now I have nothing so I'm feeling about the same way. I force myself to do things that at one time or another made me feel good. Even writing about how you feel helps. Being here and talking makes me feel better. Stay away from destructive actions. Many times I would just drink but that's taking 50 steps back in recovering.

What is something that brought you joy? Ever?

People I love, but most of them are no longer in my life or if they are, contact is limited. I've withdrawn greatly in recent months because I don't know what to say to anyone. And now my main focus is acquiring more drugs so people fall to the wayside no matter how much I adore them.

I understand. It's hard to feel lost and alone, only wanting that one thing that will destroy you in the end. You need to reach out to people. It's going to be hard as **** but it's something you HAVE to do. Save your life. Don't give in.

I honestly don't know who to talk to. I'm so ashamed of this, I won't post about it anywhere else because of how bad I feel. My body is starting to hurt again and I know tonight won't be fun.

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You need someone to talk to? I'm free to talk with you if you want.