When did I become so sick? I don't even remember when did it start. Probably around 4 years ago during my last year in high school. This feeling is eating me from the inside. Most of the things I do does not make me happy. The only moment when I feel alive is when I am in an undiscovered area, new environment and meet new people. I can't tolerate routine. That's a reason why when I start doing something, I quit pretty quickly. I have no enough patience and dedication, and I am emotionally unstable. Every time I talk to people I pretend to be in a good mood, while I feel severe anxiety and feel down in general. I don't really care about many things, including other people, my studies, my job... I do my business only because I have to do. Why do I live? I feel nothing but down most of the time. I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing. Why am I so sick? How do I get rid of this ****** feeling? I have no idea ...
JunHara JunHara
22-25, M
2 Responses Aug 22, 2014

It sounds like you're needing one "high" after another (example the exhilaration of a new place, the excitement of new people) to keep you going, but those things are empty as you soon find out...just a few weeks or months in, they get old. So then it's no surprise that you asked the question what is your reason for living? If you don't have the answer to that, it's no wonder that you don't care about the things in your life. I feel like everything is connected that way.

That's a great question to start with because these highs are too temporary. I am 100% sure there is a purpose for you and a reason for your life, but it takes work to start undoing the tangled knots in your heart. I hope you stick through and fight...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You're so damn right, I am desperate for temporary highs, it's when I feel that I'm really living. But then most people can be dedicated to things that they do, but I can't, and do them with passion and enthusiasm. They have their purpose of life, but I don't. How do I find it if I don't try new things. I just don't know what I want in life. I am living in one day, no plans for anytime further away than a week or two. The fact that I'm unable to keep up is depressing

See a doctor and find if he can help you. When you are experiencing the severe depression, it is not easy to get out without drugs.