Its sad really. To admit it. But yet im not really admitting it since identity remains a mystery. But that's the way it has to be.

I don't remember when or why I started feeling this way. I don't know how I've lived so long surviving this. It feels like im being sucked in by a deep black hole. And I kept getting sucked in farther and farther. I start to push people away. And I want nothing to do with them. My best friend and even my boyfriend. My family has never been any good at helping and supporting this. They turn it into an excuses that its something wrong with me. I get labeled and in turn I now suffer in silence. I don't want to scare my boyfriend. And my best friend knows. But she is at a loss now of what to do. I can't stop and will myself not to feel this way. Believe me I've tried. I don't know how I could have gotten so far to a point in my life where I count the days saying that its gets better. But the thing is it never stays better and I retreat back into my dark hole. I count my breaths. The minuets go on for hours and I will myself to think of reasons to live.
What am I living for?
What is it all worth?
I surround myself with my pillows and stuffed animals for comfort and consider then friends. I cry in silence. But no matter how much I cry I never feel as though I've cried enough. I wish my boyfriend or someone could open me up and see how broken I really feel some times.

My fight is not yet over
But am I all alone in this?
HealingMyHeart HealingMyHeart
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 23, 2014

Its good to at least know you're depressed so that you can do something about it. I started feeling this way when I was 19 and didn't really know what was going on until I was 24. You are not alone in this. Doctors can help you. You are always welcome to come on here and vent, we all understand what you're going through.

Did you feel isolated too?

Yes, I didn't want to do anything. I didn't have the energy and I wouldn't want to talk to anyone.

Hey! I guess we should talk, I'll try to help u!