22 Days To Go To My Suicide

Last night i sat in my room for at least 3 hours straight. Seeing everybody going out on instagram and facebook having fun, while i was pretty much alone at home, unwanted.

At times like this i wish i could make myself happy. But then again i guess in life depression strips that ability off you. Then again it doesn't really matter anymore. I would probably just make other people depressed by being around them.

This a dilemma i could never seem to defeat.
theblacktiger theblacktiger
22-25, M
1 Response Aug 24, 2014

Since you don't have anything to loose and a life to gain, change yourself. I know it is hard, and I know depression does ***** away ones desire to change and ones confidence in things ever getting better. I know because I've been depressed. But it is possible to change for the better, it is not easy, but the only good thing about depression that I found is that it gives one a strong reason to change. All those people who are not depressed have the option of staying who they are, but being depressed and staying alive requires change despite the lack of desire for it and no confidence in oneself, despite all that, we can change and it can work. I am not the person I was six months ago. Six months ago I remember daydreaming about slitting my wrist, and dreaming at night about assassination attempts and opium dens and a chandelier falling on my head. I remember crying harder than I ever had cried before desperate and hopeless. I remember being ready to quit my job without notice and half-seriously considering just driving off without any destination. Fast forward to today: my job is going well and I did not change jobs, I have hope and a lot to look forward to, I feel strong enough to tackle the challenges of my life, and everything is falling into place. If I can change that much in only six months, perhaps you can change too, but 22 days is not enough time - please consider giving yourself more time.