No Hope

I can rightly say I've suffered from depression for over 2 years now. It has never been diagonised by a doctor but I was on anti-depressants about 2 months ago. I just feel so hope less all the time. It's like I never have any solution to any of my problems in life. All i do is cry morning, afternoon and evening. I can cry non-stop for several hours! My main problem is that I have a view of how I would like my life to be and I always have the mentality that I should be the only one who can determine how my life turn out. However, experience has driven me to the point were I have realised that there is so much that contributes to my happiness. Such as, my family, success, my friends. It has been a rough road for me because I have stopped loving myself now. I was bullied in school for a year and I have been abused in so many ways. I just look at myself and feel disgusted that I have not been able to stand up for myself or fight. And looking at the way people treat me leads me to think of myself as being useless and a big mistake. I cut my wrists sometimes and starve myself. I even take medication when I don't need it. It's as if I'm trying to hurt myself to cover up the hurt that so many people have caused. I can't even talk to my friends/ family about how I feel with fear of getting judged and critisized. I don't know where life is going to take me from here but one thing I know is that realistically, I gave up on myself a long time ago. Now, I'm just living or the record, to see how long I can actually last in my misery!!!

misscry misscry
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 4, 2009

you know all the things that are wrong, that you dont like... maybe talk with your doctor... try to get on some pills if you feel thts something you need... and like icymore said find something to live for... something you like to do for YOU and no one else... weather you good at it or not... your strong... I wish you could see that... anyone who wants to give up on life... and hasnt are strong... I know you've tried... but look your still here... just believe...

I'm not sure what to say. I've been battling it for 12 years now, so I can definitely sympathize with you but I think it's too early for you to give up and accept defeat. Right now I'm alive because of my son. I hope you find something to live for.

I learn to talk about it .<br />
i learn to get a hair cut and make my self feel good.<br />
i learn to put make on.<br />
<br />
i learn to be around postive people.<br />
<br />
I learn to accept me in all the way<br />
i learn to talk to my self in the mirrow.<br />
And tell my self you are going to be ok.<br />
<br />
yes I was like you.<br />
last year i was head to a group home and to day i have change.<br />
<br />
there is hope .<br />
<br />
I know .<br />
<br />
Just come and talk to me and tell me what is going on.<br />
I mint not be able to help you.<br />
but you will get it off your chest and then find the promble you looking for solve this.<br />
<br />
there is hope.<br />
<br />

I spent a while trying to think of a cheering answer; but then I realised there was no question.. so i'll just say I've been there, in pretty much every sentence, , no, every single one. and there's more people here who will echo that. ..Just keep writing about it. Keep releasing it. Time for covering up for others is gone.. EP a lot!! (IMHO.)