I've Got It Bad

I am married to a wonderful man and have a wonderful 18 month old daughter.  But it seems that with all the light in my life, I'm lost in the dark.  The doctors are working to find the right meds for me, but anyone diagnosed with depression knows that its a hit or miss thing, some things work for some people, some things don't.  So I battle every day with being miserable and hating myself, not feeling like a good mother, or a good wife.  Its hurting my family, and its hurting me.  Its hard for me to find humor... and its hard for me to enjoy things that I used to absolutely love to do.  I'v lost an enormous amount of weight and still hate to look in the mirror.  I am hoping to be able to connect with other people who understand and/or sympathize (Its my pity party and you're all invited).  My daughter needs me now so I have to go.

sdanamarie sdanamarie
22-25, F
25 Responses Jan 23, 2007

you need to be loved by God, we are made to be loved unconditionally and freely inspite of all our flaws, and only god can do that for us, take some tlc from him, Jesus the lord of us all, he made a great investment in your life, to give you all you long for Isa 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we thought his punishment was from God, but he was wounded for our wrongs, so we can be made right with god today. .

I understand this very well. I work with Mental Health I do believe that if you think you have depression you should see your Dr. ASAP. You are a new parent and for your health and the health of your family you should expand your ideas of what is good feelings and bad feelings. We as women go through sooooo many hormone changes, no man could ever go through what we do and live...lol<br />
We are the stronger sex and we have to think our strenght will get us through these hard times. I do NOT feel that I am any weaker a woman by asking for help with my depression. This to me means that I am smarter for asking what I can do to make my life and the life of my family better. Just see your Dr. tell him/her what your problems are.<br />
Thank you for reading this.

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8 mounths old and nrver getting younger wello here it is when I was born I was not wanted before I was born my mother tried to take me out thats what my father told me when I was 17 and to tell you the truth I don't blame her or shame her I forgave herwhat would god do think about this we human beings have the the ability to make choices and in the problems we have the negitive ones seem to be easy but now one realizes the conseqences till it to late some times wee have to look at positive and we have to change the way we think well let me say this you make the right decision your going to get the right conseqencesthose are love kindness forgiveness and in your case patients and self control read galatians chapter 5 in the Bible and inherrit what god gives us for freehey it might be the best gift of all the ability to take some of that burden off your back some times we have to let go and let god do the work he never led me wrong

8 mounths old and nrver getting younger wello here it is when I was born I was not wanted before I was born my mother tried to take me out thats what my father told me when I was 17 and to tell you the truth I don't blame her or shame her I forgave herwhat would god do think about this we human beings have the the ability to make choices and in the problems we have the negitive ones seem to be easy but now one realizes the conseqences till it to late some times wee have to look at positive and we have to change the way we think well let me say this you make the right decision your going to get the right conseqencesthose are love kindness forgiveness and in your case patients and self control read galatians chapter 5 in the Bible and inherrit what god gives us for freehey it might be the best gift of all the ability to take some of that burden off your back some times we have to let go and let god do the work he never led me wrong

hello<br />
<br />
first, you're not alone honey. there are loads of us who share your feelings. i was diagnosed with clinical depression,anxiety and panic attacks about 14 years ago and on and off its been HELL.<br />
<br />
like you, i have a great husband and family, who are vry supportive. if it wasnt for them i wouldnt be here today.<br />
may i suggest u consult your G P and ask about MINDFUL MEDITATION? my daughter recommended it and it has helped me a lot. its nothing lke yoga, u dont have to empty your mind, it helps u CENTRE yourself and stay in the present. does ur mind go racing off on its own and sometimes perhaps feel disconnected from reality?<br />
if so, then M M may help. it is available on the NHS.<br />
do give it a go huny, and let us know how u get on, u have nothing to lose.<br />
<br />
keep trucking honey<br />
<br />
linda xxx

I know how you feel. Hang in there, there's light at the end of the dark tunnel.

stay off the anti-depression girl!<br />
<br />
when you take 30mins out everyday, try also to give some thought to the reactions you've had so far. and ask youself where they come from. try to monitor your angers and other feelings. acknowledge it and Let It Go.<br />
<br />
peace be with you.

Hi,<br />
<br />
Fully understand about depression. One word of advice...and this has worked incredibly for me...is that you need to work on your cognitive skills. Two great books for you:<br />
1. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life<br />
2. The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression: A step-by-step Program<br />
<br />
The key with depression is that meds are not enough. You really need to change your thought patterns. SOunds easy but it is not...good news is that you can fight a beat this disease!

I feel very similar...my son is 20 months-old and while he means the world to me I can't give him all of me because there's nothing there. I think about going back on meds but when do i have the time to go to the doctor for the meds and for the therapy? And what if I get pregnant again, then I'll have to go through the withdrawal all over again...the cycle just never stops, but I can't keep going on like this...

I know exactly what you are going through.<br />
<br />
After I had my baby, my life changed as well I was overwhelmed with all the work and all the expectations and such low energy level!<br />
<br />
I tried to keep cool, just let go of the expectations and what you think should be the perfect day.<br />
<br />
I still battle depression from time to time and I still find it hard to be happy, but I managed.<br />
<br />
I know your love for your family will keep you going, just try to expect less of yourself. No-one's perfect.<br />
<br />
Lots of love and admiration

I have a theory about depression. Sometimes we become depressed because we have lost ourselves in the 'because you are not like me"there is something wrong with you" syndrome. There are things we want to do in life and there are things we do not want to do just because we do not want to do them.There are voices that say we are wrong because we do not care about things others in our lives think we should care about.I often question my own personality flaws . I am a firm believer in listening to one's own body. It tells us when we are hungry. It tells us when we need to go to the bathroom or when we are thirsty. It also tells us that today I do not want to clean house. If we hate what we are doing or if we feel like all of our efforts are in vain then we have a tendentcy to give up. These are human elements. If there is no physical reason to be depressed, then we might consider the idea that there is in reality nothing wrong with us at all:that the truth is that we are listening to those around us who think we should be something we are not or that we should feel a certain way when we really we do not. Stress is a large factor in our lives and I believe that to many times doctors diagnose depression for burn out. Depression can be self induced when we lose value in ourselves and our own personal beliefs. This is strictly a theory based on some of my own personal expieriences and I hope it will help someone. The bottom line is that we all have to seek out the reasons for our depression .I still have my pity parties with me being the guest of honor. I feel like I earned the right to feel sorry for myself and if someone else wants to come along for the ride that is great. Otherwise get the hell out of my party and leave me alone. I will be happy when I feel like being happy. That is my theory. If you are depressed,then maybe you have earned the right to be depressed.I believe it is as normal as crying or laughing. Someone who is happy all the time is the exception to life. They do exist but many times they fall apart at their first tragedy. So if you are depressed,remember you are not in this thing by yourself. Even though you have not met them,there are many people who know just how you feel. So if you must cry never be afraid to let someone else wipe away the tears.

I Suffered depression for most of my life untill someone recomended a spiritual book called the Garden of Emuna by Rabbi Shalom Arush to me.<br />
I now know the real reason I suffered so long with depression, If you trust you will change your life, you've got so much to gain and nothing to lose by taking this advice.

I know exactlly where you are coming from. I have a 17 month old daughter, and a loving husband. I have been struggling to find the good in things, and trying to be postive. I just can't seem to get out of this slump. My husband is deployed, and I moved back to help my disabled parents while he is gone. I have never felt so alone, so physically disgusted with myself, or just so down right awful so often. I too struggle with my weight, and just cant seem to find a bright point. All i can say to you is your not alone, and if your at the same point that I am that is more comforying than anyone can imagine.

I can honestly agree with you. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and for the first 2 years of her life I was manticly depressed about the situations I have placed me and my daughter in. But, I want you to know that the depression and the bad feelings will go away, you just have to find a way to see the positive side and not the negitive side of things.

I know you said that you have lots of light all around you, but you feel like you're in the dark, it may be because you havent looked deep enough into yourself. I suffer from depression too. The thing that helps me the most is TALKING about it. believe me, it helps sooo much. You need to let go of everything. Let it ALL out. Just start talking to your husband about whats on your mind right at that moment, or a journal or even to your child (even though they wont understand you it helps nonetheless) pretty soon, everything will come pouring out. everything hidden everything buried inside. Keep talking. let everything out. You will most likely breakdown while doing this because thats what happens to me, but it is a good thing. The term "crying never solved anything" is a lie. Sometimes when your emotions take you beyond words, the next step is just to cry.

I have been dealing with depression for almost 7 years. I was on medications back and forth because by a month to 3 months in they weren't working anymore. While on Paxil CR I hit rock bottom and tried to take my life. I was hospitalized and I am very very lucky that things went wrong from what I had planned. I had no clue as to what I was doing and I was practically a zombie walking around. I have not touched any anti-depressants since because I am petrified of taking a dive again. I currently have an 8 month old and I have rheumatoid arthritis which makes for interesting to say the least. I have been battling depression right along again so I can sympathize with how everyone feels. I wake up and force myself to move even though I am so tired and yet there are nights that I face insomnia. I get dizzy and have anxiety attacks anyone who has had them knows how scary it is and how you feel like your dieing :o( I try to see the bright side of everything but sometimes I think we all need a helping hand to guide us and encouraging hug to hold us up to keep going.

One thing it for sure, you are most definitely not alone. I have severe depression as well and it is like the doctors just cant find the correct medications, it gets so frustrating. And then you add on everything in life and all the curve balls it brings and it seems to be never ending. I will most certainly be praying for you though and just keep your head up and a positive attitude because that is the only thing that seems to work somedays!<br />
best of luck

i had had many depressions as well but now i do sports daily.. it really helped me alot to get my life back.. just go out and run or walk for 1 or 2 hours everyday.. also if you are smoking just quit it! you will feel much better.

i've just recently realized that i'm in a depressed state as well, actually it is my very first and i can't find any solution to overcome it..i've tried things i like a lot, try to back to my community, and do all things in a fun way..but none of them are works...i still depressed...pretty much like you..i just recently married with someone i used to love alot for nine years..but right in 50 days before my marriage, i met someone special..so special that she is able to fill my senses completely...even when i never touched her not even a single hair..she made me deeply in love that i wish i can somehow canceled my marriage, but it didn't happen..i do married with my nine years girlfriend..and it makes me repenting my decision every time i met her...yes i have to met her everyday since we are in the same college and study in the same class..my repentance is for not choosing her when she wish me to and ready to sacrifice everything to be with me...now i have to life with my decision..trying hard to put my love back to my wife..trying hard to make her happy, but in another part of me....i still wish to turn back time to choose her and made her my wife...damn..i have to see her everyday and knowing that she really loves me and i can't do anything with it not even talk to her as she really disaapointed at me and try to forget me..

I have been battling depression all my life and did not realize it. In 1986 i found a wonderful Dr who helped me into adulthood. My family always looked at the glass as half empty and that was the behavior that I emulated. I hated myself.<br />
<br />
I believe that there are 2 types of depression behavioral, and emotional. Both need to be treated. I turned my negativity around by consciously examining every negative thought that I had and saying to myself how can i turn this into a positive thought. It was hard to train my mind to do this but after a while it just came naturally. i now try to surround myself with positive thinking people and use a technique called reality testing; which means to consciously put yourself in the person you are interacting with place how are they reacting and interrupting to what you just expressed. I needed to tune in to the other persons feelings.<br />
<br />
Someone once said to me "Perception is Reality" I did not understand what it meant but once I learned to do reality testing the meaning became very clear. Start saying this phrase to yourself. Also, do reality testing on yourself and the consequences that your behavior has on your husband and baby.<br />
<br />
My recommendation is to work on changing your behavior to yourself and others first and the rest will come in time.<br />
<br />
Medication is not a bad thing. I have been on it for 22 years and will be on it the rest of my life. i have accepted it and I know it saves my life. i am on Cymbalta, for depression and Lamectial for Ocd and they work.<br />
<br />
Please post again and I will always give you encouraging words. It isn't hopeless!!!

I joined this group for that very reason. I don't have an 18 month old though...so I can't attribute it to post partum depression...which the writer could very well have. <br />
<br />
It is very hard though, regardless of reasons WHY one is depressed, to wait for the proper medication to work and all. We already are in a low functioning state as a part of our depression and then we are supposed to just "Hang On" for that one drug to kick in. <br />
<br />
I have been on a particular one for the past 2 years which I have had to up up and away the dosage and now, again...it seems to be "pooping out". Of course I do know I have had periods...long periods of time sans depression...but it gets harder to remember when the days drag by

I seem to have had depression since late childhood, but have been treated only about a year and a half ago. It's not like it's my fault I'm depressed, i have a loving family, love god, and have a friend. I love my life, but depression sometimes looms like a shadow over me, blinding me from the good.

I have post partum depression, common for women that battle OCD... I went through this just recently... I am on an anti depresanst (Celxsa 20 mg) and that seems to work, because it got to the point I had to be hotpatlized... I just remember being soooooo tired/sleepy and not wanting to deal with baby... I could not sleep because I had insonmia at the same time... Dang somtimes I feel it coming back... Medication is not that bad, I was always a SKEPTIC...

I can sympathise whole heartedly with you. Sounds very much like post natal depression to me. I battled with that for 3 years! But have a look at what you've written for a second... ' I have a WONDERFUL husband and a WONDERFUL 18 month old daughter'. Keep looking for the positives!!! I chose no to take anti-depressants, knowing that all they do is mask the real problem, the deeper problem. You need to take half an hour out- in every day to delve within yourself. Find out when this started and what the trigger was. For there is always a trigger. It took me three years to fight through depression, I still feel it creeping back up on me now and again, but I fight it off. You cant live under a black cloud for the rest of your life, take the bull by the horns and fight it!! I have amazing faith in human nature, and I know that you can do this, for you and your family!!<br />
xxxxxx