I am mortal but am I human? How much longer can I take this pain until I break?

As I look and see how happy people are, or at least how they seem, it burns. It brings back memories of before my incident. Before my cuts, before my innocence was takeb. It's really messed up when I wish I could go back to being beaten at parents' house. Sure i'd be in pain, but I wouldn't be stuck in this hopelessness.

I'm honestly convinced that there is no chance for me to belong in this world. It's all a lie my inner demons tell me so I will suffer more. People say they'll be here for me today, but what will stop my depression tomorrow? Why? I don't want someone else's life to be in misery because of me.
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2 Responses Aug 26, 2014

The thought of you giving up is what brings me misery, not patiently holding out my hand for you to grab. I want to pull you out of your despair. Truthfully, this story resonates with my soul. I feel the exact same hopelessness as you do. I've often found myself crying out ''how much more can I take before I break?'' Literally crying and gasping for air! Life has pushed me to the limit, but I'm still holding on to life with one hand, and you with the other. I can handle the extra weight because I know it's what I must do :) Don't worry about those helping you, but more so about yourself!

Just forget whatever happened in the past doesn't matter how bad it is.......... you can't live happily if you hang on to the past be strong learn form experiences try to live happy because thinking about past you are imagining your future if you really know whats going to happen with you in future try to figure out to avoid it or face it......... keep smiling if something is really disturbing you avoid it........... and go on

On a similar note, I recommend the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhard Tolle. He recommends that we live as much as possible in the present moment, not in the past nor even in the future (the past brings with it regrets and either bad memories or nostalgic comparisons with the present which do not help with living in the now, and the future causes us to worry about what might come or to not be satisfied with the now because we think the future will be better or to be hopeless because we think it won't be). Living in the now reduces ones problems, because the current problems are always here but at least one is not borrowing trouble from the past and future. Buddhists have similar ideas as well, so you could also read Buddhist texts on mindfulness to find out more about living in the now.