Not My Life

I'm fighting depression for quite some years now. It's just that I'm not living my life...I never did. As a child I was never allowed to do what I want and even now I'm not allowed to. I'm a creative person and a dreamer, but I was never able to let it all out. I have to keep a mask on, which is filled with needles. And there is no way out for me, no change in sight. When I was younger I always said I will do it my way when I'm grown up. Just get through your childhood, when you're grown up things will change. Now I'm grown up and things haven't changed. They've become worse. I had to realize that I can never live my dream, that I can never live a life, which suits me, which I want.
And because of this constant state of depression most people stay away from me. For them I'm just the bad mooded one without a reason. If they just knew....it's a vicious circle and I'm afraid that I can't break it.
MissLala MissLala
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 15, 2007

I did think about meds, but I'm also scared of them. You can get addicted easily and I'd have to go to a doctor. And I don't really wanna talk with someone about my problems, who is being paid for it :/