Theres Something More, I Can Feel It

I think i have been depressed for most of my life. To be honest, i cant remember feeling genuinely happy and i am 20 years old. Sometimes i feel as if i dont know how to be happy anymore. I think about abandoning my life and everyone in it a lot. i just want to jump in my car and drive until i cant go any further and wherever i end up is where my new life begins. I dont think i should feel this way so early in my life, but i cant help but crave something new. The only thing that keeps me from doing this is the fear that once i get there, i will begin to feel the same way again. I dont want to spend my life chasing happiness around the globe. I just want to find it here and be content with my life. Its not bad here at all, so why do i feel like im dying?

piper22 piper22
18-21
1 Response Mar 11, 2009

How funny, I used to feel just like you. Even as a little girl I would stay up at night, scared that I would never leave where I was. I did, travelled the world and continue to do so. It makes my life fuller, better, but the depression remains and when it is at its worse, it makes me feel sad to know that the place I call home, half way around the world, is less a home than my empty life merely displaced in foreign countries. Then again, new environments allow some of us to see things in a new way, think differently, and that can be valuable if you take the experiences offered. Opportunities to travel can be easy to come by if you are motivated, just know that they are not fixes on their own.