General Ramblings

I suffer from form of depression i guess where i put women on a pedestal that i can never reach. i am 25 years old and overweight, and have never had a man think that im worth anything. i do not currently know anyone of my age who is a virgin against their desire. i have so much to offer and a heart that makes choices out of love, but the only thing i cant do is love myself. i do not have any friends because i do not feel that i deserve anyones love. i have felt this way 15 years, this bully was put in my mind where it constantly battles with what i truly want...a man who can accept all of this love i have to give and who will love me enough to say "so what if my girl is fat and ugly? she has a big heart and a masters degree and ..." .  nevermind the fact that my adoptive parents belittled me on an hourly basis and the only thing i wanted as a kid was someone to love me dammit. whats wrong with me that nobody wants me? then i meet my birth parents at 19 and they wont have anything to do with me because i do not believe that jesus is my lord and savior. "thats the problem," they say, "if you believed in him this would all go away" but there are 2 thing that i am confident about: my musical abilities and my spirituality. the last 2 years have made some progress bt means of finding focus so im too busy for that awful mindset to survive. yes ive tried drugs (legal and illegal) but i am particular about what goes into my body so that died right quick. so what now? i know i can break through this but ive been riding the line for so long ... i never want to slip into the dark place again.

but then, ive never had a man think im pretty. its so superficial, i know... to want to feel like im wanted completely? is it absurd to want a guy to want to at least kiss me at age 25? ...

wilderdreamer wilderdreamer
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2007

I am sure you are pretty, I am also sure there are plenty of men who want to kiss you. ---<br />
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Just keep on plugging away you will find soon enough the man you have been waiting for.