One Step At a Time...

Where do I start?  I've been battling depression for years.  I have good days and bad, but I try to keep going.  It is an ongoing battle, but something I'm determined not to let rule my life and who I am as a person, it will not define me!  I wanted to share my story and thoughts.

I, like many of you I suspect, have had a pretty tough time.  My parents marriage broke up when I was 6, my Mom threw my Dad out after she discovered he had an affair.  I kept in touch with him for a few years and after a silly misunderstanding I stopped seeing him, I was 9.  I carried this with me for a very long time. I did the best I could, I got good grades at school and went on to University.  I then moved to London and got a great job.  Ever since I was young that had been my ambition (I'm from a small village originally.) I suffered in silence for many years whilst at school and uni.  I thought moving away would solve my problems, but it didn't.  My first relationship in Lon was a terrible one, he was physically and mentally abusive towards me.  My next one wasn't much better.  I even had an abortion whilst I was with him as he didn't want the baby. This affected me very badly.  After a number of years together I discovered he was infact engaged to another woman.  My world fell apart as I thought this was the man I would spend my life with, we had talked marriage, but it was all words to him.  That was at the beginning of last year and afterwards I sought solace with a variety of unsuitable men, who would use me and then leave.  Lately I have been having an affair with a married man, its been going on for almost a year now and I know its probably not helping the situation.  I've also been unemployed for around 6 months which hasn't helped me either.  The only positive over the last few years is that I found and have been slowly building a relationship with my father.

I think that sometimes I have made errors of judgement and this had made my depression worse.  I have self harmed in the past, and tried once to take my own life.  Luckily my friend got to me in time.  I know this isn't the answer but at the time it feels like the only way out.  I'm on medication which controls things and am slowly getting better.

Wow I've gone on a lot, sorry, just good to get it all out.

ooops ooops
3 Responses Mar 17, 2009

Phoenigirl, i think if u look at Depression from a broad perspective, everybody's experience is very different. Yes, the basic symptoms may be alike, but the degree of it varies. That's why u have clinical depression, bi-polar etc... What i've written is just an experience of another person on how she cope & overcame it, it doesn't mean it works for everyone. Neither does it mean if one takes meds, sees a psychologist, herbs it leads to a cure. I know a few ppl who are having depression for decades despite doing all this, just as there are those who have recovered taking a holistic approach to this problem.<br />
<br />
The fact is there are no hard & fast rule to this problem. why? Becasue depression affects a person's mind, emotion & spirit. And all of us are different in these aspect. Yes, the 1st step is acceptance of this problem, (many are in denial), the next is to visit a dcotor for analysis, then perhaps the proper treatment. Some respond better to treatment, others don't. Therefore, we must always keep an open mind when treating a very complex illness, i've even read an article where a patient realized that the cause of her depression was actually fueled by her diet more than anything else, after years of treatment. So i think the possibilty here for the cause & the cure is immensed, & the last thing i would want to do is to pigeon hole this illness. It is not without a cure & i seen some cases of controlled mgt as well as cure. But it is far much more complex than we think it is.

Please dont listen to amigos, I totally disagree with him. The causes of depression are known, and please stay away from mind altering drugs. First of all you really need to see a psychologist (therapist or counselor), someone who is professional and that you can talk to about all your past and present issues. That is a vital step for healing. Second, I think your father is the source of most of your unhappiness. I even think he's responsible for the bad choices of men you're making. I understand you miss your father and love him, but I think until you understand how he affected you emotionally and subconsciously and be determined to change that, nothing in your life will be better. Furthermore, I believe you need to focus on yourself more and less on others. Take care of YOU, love yourself, pamper yourself, reward yourself. You are a very hard working person and you absolutely deserve it! As for the men in your life, I dont think a guy that has no respect for himself, you or his wife is doing you any good. You need to work on your self esteem. It's not your fault your dad had to leave. Your parent's relationship just didnt work out, that's life, you are an adult and you know that now so stop beating yourself up! Get a man that respects you and treats you like you deserve. Like a princess! But dont forget that you are the most important person in your life. Last but not least, and this comes after making changes in yourself and your life, Diet and herbs. Your diet can affect you emotionally and mentally. Eat more fiber and less carbs, more fruits and less sugar. Or simply take supplements such as a multivitamin. Teas are great everyday especially green tea, white tea and some other herbal teas. They cleanse your body from toxins that could also cause moodiness and emotional distress. St. John's Wart, Holy Basil and Eleuthero are herbs that are known for calming and mood lifting properties and can help you maintain good emotional health, you can find them in the form of capsules and pills in the supplement department at stores and they're much safer than taking ineffective, side effect-packed and addictive medications. So there you have it. I am speaking from 100% personal experience (years of it) by the way. I hope that was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!<br />
P.S. You are a wonderful person.

Unitl this very day, no one really has an answer to the cure for depression but it can be cured, soem through mediacl care, others through some other means. <br />
<br />
I remember reading a woman who cured her depression indirectly through excercise. Got motivated by the results in her body (she was grossly overweight) then went on to set history in her company sales records in advertising. The very same woman, whose husband divorced her, left her with the kids becuase they became incompatible. Can't really remeber her name bt do remmebr reading it on the internet.<br />
<br />
I guess sometimes life is also abt choices. And the choices we make today, affect our lives tomorrrow. <br />
<br />
Hopefully, despite all that has happened in one's lives, may we will never lose sight that a rainbow awaits us, That no matter how long it takes, how difficult it is, one will find true happiness as long as one continues to seek....