Not Sure If It's Depression Or Total Apathy??

I have a sibling with aspergers, and since they started to get extremely ill, i've stopped feeling anything. I went through stages to feeling so much I felt like my body was going to explode, now i can't remember feeling any emotion for about two years. I'm an amazing empath and can feel what everyone around me is feeling, possibly because of the lack of feeling I have, so when I need to feel something I can use the emotions of people around me to help convey what it is I'm meant to be feeling, but when I'm alone, I feel nothing. I used to block out so many things I think I started blocking out everything and now I'm not sure where to begin to bring it back. I try, sometimes, but when I see my sibling I'm glad i can't feel anything because I know the things they have put me through would create so much anger in me i wouldn't be able to stop myself. In a way it's depression and denial, the lack of interest i have in facing everything i've gone through has pushed me so far into depression that i'm completely apathetic to anything in this world now. Imagine what it's like not being able to smile unless you have someone there whose emotion you can use to lie about your own.. It's a lonely world for me.

Phynn Phynn
1 Response Mar 18, 2009

seems like you're blocking your feelings to protect yourself and/or those around you. I dont wanna sound mean but I think your life would be much better once you're living on you own away from the stress of your ill siblings. idk if you take antidepressants but they have a tendency to make you emotionally numb, something I disliked experiencing. Try to let your feelings out gradually by verbalizing how you feel (sad, angry, stressed etc..). You have the right to feel and it doesnt really hurt anyone to express it with words.