Cloudy On the Highway

Im a young college student who used to be a lil ray of sunshine. But after hitting numerous bumps in the road and finally breaking down I've fallen into a dark place. Some days are better than others. Its a secret to my family as an event uprooted all our relationships with one another. I made bad choices andnow face the consequences.

FastLaneC3 FastLaneC3
18-21, F
7 Responses Mar 21, 2009

Thanks :)<br />
Oh I'm sorry =/ Hehe horses are cool. My sister loves them dearly. <br />
How did you mess up to the point of not being able to talk to him? Just wondering :)<br />
Living alone can be the worst possible thing, honestly. I'd try to find someone to room with you or live across the hall (or street, depending on where you live).<br />
I understand your concern about not being able to open up... The same thing is a problem of mine also. People will get freaked out when you say "I feel like killing myself" but the thing is... Once they find out that you have tried/ are going to try, and believe it, they will be glad they listened. I'd start a conversation like this-- "I really need someone to talk to. Will you please stay here and listen to everything I have to say? I need you to be serious and listen to me." That worked for me tremendously. <br />
My friend finally listened to me after I tried comitting suicide 3 times. Now she texts me every night to make sure I'm not feeling suicidal. <br />
I understand how these people feel, but I think if you just tell them that you really are concerned and need someone to talk to, they will at least put in more of an effort to stay around.<br />
If you live in the US and tell me your name and real age, I'll give you my phone number (if you can text). It'd be a bit more personal than talking over here, and I'd be accessible at virtually any time during the day. I can only get on the computer every once in a while, so if you needed someone to talk to immediately, I'd answer much much sooner if you texted me.

Anything you have to say I'd love to hear.<br />
The counsellors at our college are nice but funky and many come from business backgrounds which is odd. The one I actually would have been fine seeing had to leave because she was sadly dying from cancer. She shared my passion for horses which in this town is hard to find. <br />
Ive had some really scary moments, and living alone doesnt help. The teachers at the college are really nice, especially in our area of study. We're a small class this year so we are really close with our teachers. I usually go to them for help. I got to the point of being ok with one teacher but I was messed up to the point I wasnt able to talk to him.<br />
But I mean when I get to the point where Im a danger to myself I cant just turn to anybody and ask for help. Im freaked out, I want to ask people I trust to help me, without saying flat out "Im afraid Im going to kill myself" in which case if I were them I'd probably run away too.

Yeah. I mean, I know the counselors mean well, but sometimes they mess up the better things. <br />
Yeah, I hated having to take them, but now I'm glad that I do. I'm vegetarian and I love being "green" but I can't deny the positive effect the meds have had on me. <br />
Haha I know! :D I've gotten so much help and support from just talking to random people on here :)<br />
Being "taken away" makes you feel let down, but if it gets you help, then it's worth it. They won't like, take you away ina poilice car or anything. They just call a hotline and get you reported that you need help. I'm sure exactly how it works though.... Haha.<br />
I was so sick of being down and mood swinging that it really helped me once I figured out how to open up. That was the hardest part for me.<br />
If you want some advice, I'd love to talk more :)

Thats a really good idea about meeting a counsellor outside of school. I totally agree. I think the college offers that service for free.<br />
I agree with the use of medications; I'd like to say people should be helped through natural methods but the laws of science dont always make it possible. At this point I'd do anything to feel better. This site has really helped; its nice to talk to people who understand what Im feeling :)<br />
Being taken away by the authorities is my biggest fear of opening my mouth but in the end, I guess its better than sitting in this dark cloud of unhappiness.

Yeah I've had that problem too (people walking away from me).<br />
Oh that sucks. <br />
My counselor at my school ratted me out to the authorities and I got put into psychotherapy. haha. <br />
Teachers can't handle much, I don't think. haha. Oh well. <br />
I know you probably don't want to hear this, but maybe talking to a counselor outside of your school would help. I'm not sure about your financial status, but it would probably be worth your while to see one and just talk a bit. I didn't want to have to go to one, but once I opened up to her, she figured out that I have bipolar disorder with severe depression, and I'm now on meds for it. I didn't want to take the meds, but I eventually tried them and they work wonders for me. I'm not sure about your view on medication and taking it, but if your depression is making you have problems with daily functions, you might want to try to get help or find someone you can talk to openly about anything. <br />
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If you ever want to talk, just message me :)

I've tried but a lot of people here things they dont want to hear and they get scared and walk away.<br />
I worked with the college, and the area I was in had the councellors as my co-workers.<br />
Stories leaked out into the office about me and I forced to resign (they didnt give me options). Now I cant walk into the office area without getting looks from over one and the councellors are more like business partners than councellors. <br />
I tried talking to a teacher but I think he got scared and bailed haha. He opened his door to me, heard my problem and slammed the door on my face. <br />
But Im proud that I tried.

I'm sorry :( Have you talked with someone about it?