It Is Hard

i think my depression comes from the bad patches of my life,but mostly from watching what others in my family have done.my father was abusive towards my mother and brother.and he was violent.i remember crying when it was going on and feeling so incredible small.he would hit my brother with anything he could get his hands on.then he was nearly killed on the job,i know i proabally had a nervous breakdown.we ended up eating out of a dumpster.then while playing,i broke my neck.when i got back,my father had gone completely whacko.i really drew back in myself.i started staying in my bedroom.i bacame very isolated.even now,i stay in the bedroom of my house.when my oldest brother moved in,things only got worse.he was constantly causing trouble.when i was seventeen,my oldest brother started me smoking and drinking.but i quit,i couldn`t be that person.i watched my brother beat his wife severly.and what hurt the most was seeing my niece and nephew seeing what i seen.i considered suicide,but think its a chickens way out.i helped my mom for five years take care of my neice and nephew.that was the happiest time of my life.i love them,but what their dad did to my nephew was beyound cruel.he took out all his anger and frustrations on him.he never acknowledged the boy.he treated him subhuman.he beat him,abused him mentally.and he now carries all those scars.everytime i tried to help,it feel on death or indifferent ears,what i have seen him,my fatherand brother do has scared me deeply.i am considered to have learning disabilites,autism,and severe depression.i battle all this every day.i see all these things at night in my dreams.but i have refused to let them define me.

ghostofmyself ghostofmyself
36-40
Mar 23, 2009