Found Out Not to Long Ago

Around a month ago i asked myself the question if i am battling depression in my life, so i researched on how far back have i been feeling this way and to my surprise its been 10 years. I remember how i felt when i came to that conclusion, more then half of  the symptoms of depression i have! it made me feel worse about myself and i have never felt more weak in my life the way i did at that moment. Now that i know i realize many things, for example, i am always negative, and to be frank i would hate to be hanging around someone that is constantly negative ( i really don't know how my family puts up with it). I don't like many people and i tend to find it hard to let go of little grudges. I see a psychologist who really i feel isn't doing much. And i have a partner that doesn't understand the situation. A family that is oblivious to the situation, and ....well.....im sick of being me. But i dont know how to get out of it! Im sick of feeling the way i do, the way i think about things, its made me realise how many things in the past would have been different if i new earlier of my symptoms. i feel guilty, alone, sad and most of all i hate being in my own skin at times. so i was wondering how did anyone else react when they knew they were suffering from depression.
 

FrialRose FrialRose
22-25
4 Responses Mar 24, 2009

I am 43 and I think I had childhood depression since I was 12. I also believe it is genetic

Please look into Cognitive Behaviour Therapy...it is simple written exercises that will show you what depression really is and how you can control it, not it controlling you. I got rid of the meds and after a lot of work, learned to recognize the triggers of my depression and how to control them. Get a book by Dr David Burns, very simple to read and follow.<br />
As for your therapist...get another!! You will know when a therapist is right for you. I went through 2 before I found the right one and when you do find the right one...you will just know and actually look forward to going. Call it a character clash.<br />
Medications will work...as long as you stay on them. Cognitive therapy will teach you how to control the downward spirals. It worked for me, but it took a long time, some people get it in a couple of months.<br />
Good luck!

I found out I had depression when I was 19. It was a very acute situation for a couple of weeks, because I was thrown into a new situation, away from home to living with all new people. I realized I had depression for a long time...as long as I can remember. I had been able to hide in public school. But I was now exposed and very anxious...I'm 30 now and continually search for answers: therapy?...drugs/medications?...work/school?...The battle continues.......

When I realized I was suffering from depression I felt so alone and vulnerable. Yet I was convinced I could make it through depression on my own. Its been a long struggle filled with many fake smiles and saying "No, nothing's wrong" when clearly everything was. None of my friends have noticed anything, which makes me sad. Then, there's always the constant guilt for no seeming reason nagging and feeling like I'm always behind. It does help a little bit to know, though, that I'm not alone in this battle. Tons of people have made it through depression…but on the other hand, some have given in to it and lost.