Is It Depression?

here i am again, feeling lost, lonely, abandoned,confused,ugly an useless.  It seems that i go along fine when i'm on my own.  i have fun i get things done i progress,i learn i feel semi happy.....but...theres always something missing....not sure what it is...yes i am it's that feeling of haing someone to love, to love somebody..someone to call my own someone to share my happiness and life with, i tell myself i don't need anybody that i'm fine on my own that i need to be on my own to love myself!!! and then i get involved with someone and my fears and rejections, jealousies and sadness come flying in.  Love should be good i tell myself. yet it never seems to be...and i'm not even having the honeymoon period anymore..the last one lasted 3 days...although i knew him for 5 months....i'm sick of picking myself up, i sick of not  being able to love, i'm sick of the paranoia.......is this depression or am i incapable of loving or being loved?
sjay sjay
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2007

Y'know, it just might be that love just happens more or less by accident. I know it can grow out of friendship - probably the best way to find love just may be to simply find and make friends. I know that I found my one true love by happenstance, and lost her; not just the once, but a second time only a year ago.<br />
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Love is important, but seeking it doesn't seem to work. The quest for love becomes consuming, and depressing.